I hate to be one of those guys who is always pointing out a problem but never offers any solutions. My last entry pointed out what we should not be looking for in this season of 'bailout and stimulus' but did little to shed any light on what we should be looking for this year. I know I said we had better get someone smarter than me anybody I ever knew but failed to give any examples. After giving this some thought over the last two days I have a few suggestions for the type of person that should be considered.
The first example I thought of was the person who invented ‘spell-check’. Now this man or woman is smart, double barrel smart. Not only did they have a tremendous vocabulary, they know how to spell all the words correctly and even invented a process that identifies your mistake instantly and gives you options about what you are trying to say. When you think about what this invention saves just in onionskin copies and eraser rubber alone it is phenomenal. Millions and millions of trees have been saved and secretaries all over the world are spending more time at home and with their kids than can be imagined.
My next candidate would be the man or woman who invented the pull-top drink can opener that stays on the can and does not pull off to become either litter or a small weapon for self-mutilation. During the 60’s and 70’s when the first generation of pull tops were first introduced many strange and sometimes dangerous practices were adopted for disposing of the shiny little rings. A lot of our neighbors from north of Kentucky (Yankees) found themselves collecting these little baubles and stringing them together for home interior decorations. Strings of thousands were used to decorate family rooms, man caves and neighborhood bars. Now this practice certainly was a big help in keeping the Great Lakes litter free from the vast amounts of aluminum left around their shores by beer drinkers but really did nothing for the home décor of the area. Here in the South we also became pretty good at stringing the little aluminum flaps together but we used them mostly for body and automobile decorations and cheap jewelry. A lot of our women still carry the scars of being slightly lacerated around the neck and arms from necklaces and bracelets given them by their boyfriends after a day at the lake, fishing and supposedly drinking beer. We also used the little chains for decorating of our cars during that time. Nothing said ‘I’m a man’, like a string of beer can tabs artfully draped around our sun visors, rear view mirrors and back windows. Of course to our mothers they were from Coke cans but to those who mattered they were always from the vast amount of beer we could handle.
My last nomination must go to the inventor of the greatest invention in history. I think the feeling is almost unanimous that the person who invented the ‘Thermos’ bottle was the world’s greatest inventor and probably smart enough to lead this country for four years. I know it started with as a joke but who among us after hearing that old joke is not still thinking about the truth contained in the humor. You take an inanimate object like a ‘Thermos’ bottle and pour something hot into it early in the morning and it is still hot late in the afternoon. You take something cold and pour it into the same bottle early in the morning and then in the late afternoon it is still cold, and the question still baffles us as to how it knows just what we expect it to do. Now all of us snicker when we hear this old joke, but we really don’t know and we always leave pondering that last question,
“How do it know”.
Smart people come few and far between.
Monday, February 2, 2009
"In God we Trust"
I got one of those e-mails today that threatened me with total separation from the human family if I failed to pass it on to everybody in my contact list. I am ashamed to admit it but those things nearly always get my attention. The only ones that I feel safe in ignoring are the ones with pictures of either puppies or clouds over quotes from some dead person about inner peace or knowing one’s self. The rest, that include pictures of soldiers, flags, little kids or God, I feel compelled to pass along to selected contacts that I don’t mind embarrassing myself with. You easily decide which ones go to your perverted friends and which ones you send to the people in your Sunday school class.
One came today I quickly closed deciding it posed no real threat to my future well-being and would not cause any bad consequences if I simply deleted it right then and there. As the day went on I kept thinking about the ideas that e-mail contained and its message made more and more sense to me the longer I thought about it. The jest of the message was that if the anti Christians wanted to insist in taking “In God we Trust” off anything related to the government, then the rest of us should simply start using the phrase on any and everything we do. The more I thought about this idea the more sense it seemed to make.
I have never agreed with the Roy Moore thinking that it was the government’s place to spread my religious beliefs to our fellow citizens. I think that is akin to expecting the government to raise our children, care for our old folks and to enforce a system of morality and religion we want to believe in but don’t want the responsibility of perpetuating. That is not the government’s job and Christ taught us that lesson while he was here.
The idea in the e-mail today was for Christians around the world to tag ourselves as believers by using the ‘In God we Trust’ thought in everything we do. To include the phrase in our signature lines on all our correspondence, on our business cards, in our literature and in way we communicate with others. The more I thought about the impact of this simple effort the more I liked it. Every person that has contact with a person following this discipline would be witnessed to, hopefully many times every day. In doing this a person is not saying he or she is better than anyone else, more saintly or better than the next guy. They are simply letting everyone he or she knows and deals with daily know they have a God in whom they trust. How many more times would God’s name of be brought to the attention of countless millions of people a day if we all started including this simple statement on everything we did.
The phrase is not offensive. It promotes no church or denomination, it is adaptable and relevant to all religions in the world today, it simply identifies one as a person who trusts God. To those who have no use or need for a God it means no more than a person saying ‘I’m a man’ or ‘I’m an American’. To those who do believe or are searching it can be an affirmation of their own belief or an encouragement in that there are others who do believe and are not afraid to proclaim that belief. This movement has the potential to witness to countless people every day and bring them together as believers.
It is past the time for us to depend on government to perpetuate the spirit of our faith. I would have no problem offending anyone this simple statement would offend. If I’m living my faith as I think I should I might even cause someone else to become a little bolder in his or her own spiritual walk.
I’ve already deleted the message I got this morning. It really made much more sense than these ramblings I tried to write here, but I hope at least one person more gets the message I’m trying to send. If you think I’m a religious nut or if I may offend anyone I would simply say: ‘take a ticket and get on to the back of the line’. You’ve got to trust someone and I’ll take the one I choose everyday.
‘In God I Trust’
One came today I quickly closed deciding it posed no real threat to my future well-being and would not cause any bad consequences if I simply deleted it right then and there. As the day went on I kept thinking about the ideas that e-mail contained and its message made more and more sense to me the longer I thought about it. The jest of the message was that if the anti Christians wanted to insist in taking “In God we Trust” off anything related to the government, then the rest of us should simply start using the phrase on any and everything we do. The more I thought about this idea the more sense it seemed to make.
I have never agreed with the Roy Moore thinking that it was the government’s place to spread my religious beliefs to our fellow citizens. I think that is akin to expecting the government to raise our children, care for our old folks and to enforce a system of morality and religion we want to believe in but don’t want the responsibility of perpetuating. That is not the government’s job and Christ taught us that lesson while he was here.
The idea in the e-mail today was for Christians around the world to tag ourselves as believers by using the ‘In God we Trust’ thought in everything we do. To include the phrase in our signature lines on all our correspondence, on our business cards, in our literature and in way we communicate with others. The more I thought about the impact of this simple effort the more I liked it. Every person that has contact with a person following this discipline would be witnessed to, hopefully many times every day. In doing this a person is not saying he or she is better than anyone else, more saintly or better than the next guy. They are simply letting everyone he or she knows and deals with daily know they have a God in whom they trust. How many more times would God’s name of be brought to the attention of countless millions of people a day if we all started including this simple statement on everything we did.
The phrase is not offensive. It promotes no church or denomination, it is adaptable and relevant to all religions in the world today, it simply identifies one as a person who trusts God. To those who have no use or need for a God it means no more than a person saying ‘I’m a man’ or ‘I’m an American’. To those who do believe or are searching it can be an affirmation of their own belief or an encouragement in that there are others who do believe and are not afraid to proclaim that belief. This movement has the potential to witness to countless people every day and bring them together as believers.
It is past the time for us to depend on government to perpetuate the spirit of our faith. I would have no problem offending anyone this simple statement would offend. If I’m living my faith as I think I should I might even cause someone else to become a little bolder in his or her own spiritual walk.
I’ve already deleted the message I got this morning. It really made much more sense than these ramblings I tried to write here, but I hope at least one person more gets the message I’m trying to send. If you think I’m a religious nut or if I may offend anyone I would simply say: ‘take a ticket and get on to the back of the line’. You’ve got to trust someone and I’ll take the one I choose everyday.
‘In God I Trust’
Thursday, November 6, 2008
'WELLS FARGO TO THE RESCUE'
When is man supposed to have a conscious? When does it make a difference for a single person or one business or a single corporation to say a proposed event or action is wrong? I just read an article in my local paper about the on-going attempt to save the giant Wachovia Bank. Wachovia finds itself in the position of needing to be saved because of its huge investment in worthless mortgages. The article explained that Citibank first negotiated a rescue of what was once one of the top five banks in this country. Citibank had agreed to pour huge amounts of cash into the struggling Wachovia to acquire only the banking portion of the North Carolina giant. Apparently the big shots from Wachovia, the Federal Reserve and Citibank had pretty much come to a resolution on the bucket of worms the acquisition of a large bank involves. Before they could pack up their brief cases and make their final report to Erin Burnett from MSNBC, a pony express rider from Wells Fargo breezed into the room and insisted all action be ceased. Unknown to the original parties to the Citibank/Wachovia negotiations Wells Fargo had been in a meeting of their own, somewhere west of Denver, and had come up with a new and better solution to the Wachovia crisis.
After everyone was reseated at the huge conference table in the top floor of the tallest building in North Carolina, Wells Fargo began to speak. “We can do better”, the man who had previously been riding a pony express pony begin to speak. “We know your plan calls for a big infusion of tax payer money into this buy out by Citibank”, said the little fellow. “As you know, Wells Fargo is a big part of what made this country so great”, the man continued with no one understanding what he was talking about. “We have been talking about our old friend Wachovia’s problem and while all ya’ll have done a great job crafting this buyout to save the old Bank, we have a better solution for everyone”. “I don’t think so”, said the headman from Citibank, “we bought this thing and we do not need anything from you cowboys”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man who had been doing all the talking. “You tell the public how you are using government tax money to buy this sweet old bank and how there was someone in the deal without tax money willing to accomplish the same thing if not more, how about that Mr. Federal Reserve man? The Federal Reserve man had just about gone to sleep thinking he had no dog in this fight. “Well I do think we should look at all our options before we spend the taxpayers money”, the Fed man was quick to say, even though he did not care who bought the damn thing as long as Wachovia did not go under. “I don’t have long”, the Fed man quickly said, “I’ve got to get this wrapped us quick or President Bush is going to miss the Simpson’s tonight and he won’t be happy”. “What you got to offer”, the Fed man was looking straight at Mr. Wells Fargo and hoping for a quick answer.
“Wells Fargo will buy the whole thing, lock-stock and barrel”, this little fellow from Wells Fargo was saying as he pulled some paperwork from his saddlebags. The Fed’s man knew Citibank was only buying the banking portion from Wachovia and the rest would have to be dealt with later in some fashion. He like the idea of getting everything done in one easy transaction and wanted to hear more about what this guy was talking about. The guys from Wachovia were speechless, they just wanted to go home, they had lost everything, including access to the executive john and they saw nothing in either offer for them. “Go on”, the Fed guy said, “we’ve already got a deal so this had better be good”. “It’s simple”, said Wells Fargo man, “we buy it all for very little more than Citibank is paying for just the bank”. “No Way”, said the Wachovia man, speaking for really the first time. “It has taken us a week to put all this together, we’ve got it signed, sealed and packed up and I’m ready to go home”. “Yea”, said the Citibank representative, “we got it fair and square while ya’ll were still in California and we’re not giving it back, no way”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man, “you explain to the market how you used all this tax payer money to buy a dog like Wachovia. You’ll be the most despised company on the street, and we will take full advantage of your greed with our marketing”. “Next thing you know we will be buying you”, the hot shot Wells Fargo man was on a roll. “I’d like to talk with my friends from Wachovia for a moment alone if you don’t mine”, said the Wells Fargo man while Citibank was cooling down. “That’s fine with me”, said the Fed man, motioning to the Citibank contingency to follow him out side the conference room and into a lounge area where he intended to get a drink.
After the Fed and the Citibank group were gone the Wells Fargo man took over. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of them but I think you are going to like this deal. If you guys just play along with us I know you will be a lot happier with our deal that with the Citibank deal”. “How can it make any difference to us, we’re busted and gone no matter what”, the second in command for Wachovia said. “Yea, I knew that subprime stuff was going to get somebody, I just didn’t think it would be us”. “Listen you idiots”, the Wells Fargo man said loudly, “if you’ll quit feeling sorry for yourselves for just a minute I’ll make your day. We’ve got some really good tax lawyers in California and they have figured this thing out so we can all get right and really screw the government”. The Wachovia contingent perked up some and leaned in to hear what sounded too good to be true. “Our guys got Treasury to set up a new regulation in the IRS Code, that will let Wells Fargo take 100% of your loss if we acquire 100% of your company”. “The hell you say”, gushed one of the Wachovia men. “You mean you can pay for us with the same money you would be paying in taxes anyway”. “Damn right”, said Wells Fargo, “and by buying the whole company we have to honor all the employment contracts you have with the old company, golden parachutes and all”. “There is a God”, said the first Wachovia man able to speak.
The rest of the story is history, Citibank whined and cried for a bit but finally gave in and let the deal go forward. No one from the government raised any objections since they were so happy that one of the top 5 banks had been saved. The only ones that should have complained were the taxpayers and there was no one to speak for them.
When will someone, someday simply say enough is enough. When will someone with a conscious simply say this is not sound or even fair and refuse to take advantage of the ordinary taxpayers? It’s time for someone to call Bull$$$$ on the obv
After everyone was reseated at the huge conference table in the top floor of the tallest building in North Carolina, Wells Fargo began to speak. “We can do better”, the man who had previously been riding a pony express pony begin to speak. “We know your plan calls for a big infusion of tax payer money into this buy out by Citibank”, said the little fellow. “As you know, Wells Fargo is a big part of what made this country so great”, the man continued with no one understanding what he was talking about. “We have been talking about our old friend Wachovia’s problem and while all ya’ll have done a great job crafting this buyout to save the old Bank, we have a better solution for everyone”. “I don’t think so”, said the headman from Citibank, “we bought this thing and we do not need anything from you cowboys”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man who had been doing all the talking. “You tell the public how you are using government tax money to buy this sweet old bank and how there was someone in the deal without tax money willing to accomplish the same thing if not more, how about that Mr. Federal Reserve man? The Federal Reserve man had just about gone to sleep thinking he had no dog in this fight. “Well I do think we should look at all our options before we spend the taxpayers money”, the Fed man was quick to say, even though he did not care who bought the damn thing as long as Wachovia did not go under. “I don’t have long”, the Fed man quickly said, “I’ve got to get this wrapped us quick or President Bush is going to miss the Simpson’s tonight and he won’t be happy”. “What you got to offer”, the Fed man was looking straight at Mr. Wells Fargo and hoping for a quick answer.
“Wells Fargo will buy the whole thing, lock-stock and barrel”, this little fellow from Wells Fargo was saying as he pulled some paperwork from his saddlebags. The Fed’s man knew Citibank was only buying the banking portion from Wachovia and the rest would have to be dealt with later in some fashion. He like the idea of getting everything done in one easy transaction and wanted to hear more about what this guy was talking about. The guys from Wachovia were speechless, they just wanted to go home, they had lost everything, including access to the executive john and they saw nothing in either offer for them. “Go on”, the Fed guy said, “we’ve already got a deal so this had better be good”. “It’s simple”, said Wells Fargo man, “we buy it all for very little more than Citibank is paying for just the bank”. “No Way”, said the Wachovia man, speaking for really the first time. “It has taken us a week to put all this together, we’ve got it signed, sealed and packed up and I’m ready to go home”. “Yea”, said the Citibank representative, “we got it fair and square while ya’ll were still in California and we’re not giving it back, no way”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man, “you explain to the market how you used all this tax payer money to buy a dog like Wachovia. You’ll be the most despised company on the street, and we will take full advantage of your greed with our marketing”. “Next thing you know we will be buying you”, the hot shot Wells Fargo man was on a roll. “I’d like to talk with my friends from Wachovia for a moment alone if you don’t mine”, said the Wells Fargo man while Citibank was cooling down. “That’s fine with me”, said the Fed man, motioning to the Citibank contingency to follow him out side the conference room and into a lounge area where he intended to get a drink.
After the Fed and the Citibank group were gone the Wells Fargo man took over. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of them but I think you are going to like this deal. If you guys just play along with us I know you will be a lot happier with our deal that with the Citibank deal”. “How can it make any difference to us, we’re busted and gone no matter what”, the second in command for Wachovia said. “Yea, I knew that subprime stuff was going to get somebody, I just didn’t think it would be us”. “Listen you idiots”, the Wells Fargo man said loudly, “if you’ll quit feeling sorry for yourselves for just a minute I’ll make your day. We’ve got some really good tax lawyers in California and they have figured this thing out so we can all get right and really screw the government”. The Wachovia contingent perked up some and leaned in to hear what sounded too good to be true. “Our guys got Treasury to set up a new regulation in the IRS Code, that will let Wells Fargo take 100% of your loss if we acquire 100% of your company”. “The hell you say”, gushed one of the Wachovia men. “You mean you can pay for us with the same money you would be paying in taxes anyway”. “Damn right”, said Wells Fargo, “and by buying the whole company we have to honor all the employment contracts you have with the old company, golden parachutes and all”. “There is a God”, said the first Wachovia man able to speak.
The rest of the story is history, Citibank whined and cried for a bit but finally gave in and let the deal go forward. No one from the government raised any objections since they were so happy that one of the top 5 banks had been saved. The only ones that should have complained were the taxpayers and there was no one to speak for them.
When will someone, someday simply say enough is enough. When will someone with a conscious simply say this is not sound or even fair and refuse to take advantage of the ordinary taxpayers? It’s time for someone to call Bull$$$$ on the obv
'BAILOUT EXTENDED'
I’ve just had another, ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ moment. I read in my morning paper where the White House was pleading with the Banks that have received the ‘Bail-Out Bucks’ in the Bail-Out giveaway show to start making loans with the money they received. I thought that’s what they were getting the giveaway ‘Bucks’ for in the first place. The same paper carried an article about how some of the recipient banks were now paying dividends to their stockholders out of these proceeds. This whole deal stinks and was nothing more than welfare for the rich. When this money is finally loaned, I guarantee it will go to some fat cats that have a statement just this side of Warren Buffet and most of the poor folks who are on the line to the government for their part of the Bail-Out plan will not ‘qualify’ for enough cash to buy an extra tank of gas.
If congress really wants to help the people most affected by this recession then I have a couple of suggestions. First, how about limiting the amount of interest the banks can charge the average ‘Joe’ on a credit card to 15%. Just a few years ago 15% would have been unheard of, but now it seems like it is the equivalent of finding gas at $2.25 per gallon. Poor folks out there today are getting slapped with 24% to 28% and the banks can’t get enough of this easy money. Next Congress could outlaw the $35 fee charged whenever an average customer goes over the credit limit established when he answered that unsolicited mailer offering him the great card with the low ‘introductory interest’. Every transaction is approved on the spot now so why not just deny the charge at the point of purchase if the credit limit is exceeded. The $35 fee is as close to being criminal as one can get. If I walked into one of a bank’s branches and pointed a carrot at a teller while passing a note demanding cash to avoid being shot by the carrot then took $35 from her at carrot point I’d be arrested and sent to jail. Again only the working stiffs are the ones with this problem. The people who qualify for the loans from the banks participating in the Bailout have credit limits they never exceed or have agreements with the banks to cover any such emergency situation. At least reduce to amount to a reasonable $5.00 per month should such overage occur. The next stimulus step would be to prohibit the banks from charging the $35 on every insufficient fund check that comes through the bank. Only the average Joe’s pay these robbery class fees. Bounce the check or pay it but don’t charge the poor writer any more than the amount of the check with a limit of $10 per check. Give the poor customer a break; they are the ones funding your Bailout.
Another point I think needs to be made. If I’m going to be a part of this new consortium that pulls the nations banks financial statements out of the fire I want to sit in some of those skyboxes they all have at the various sports stadiums around the country. Why should the big shots who got them into trouble in the first place be the ones sitting up there drinking all the good whiskey and eating the ribs? I want to be chauffeured to the stadium in a stretch limo and whisked by the common folks standing in line to get to their end zone seats on the third row. After all, who is paying for those boxes? The bank was broke before Congress gave them my money to stay open, I should get some of the benefits.
Alas, I know I am dreaming. It is the poor folks like me that is suppose to take care of those at the top. I think that is one reason we have had so much trouble with integration in this country. It was hard for all us white people to realize that the majority of us had become the slaves and we had always believed the color of our skin protected us from that fate. Really the gap just keeps getting wider and wider. It takes more and more people to support the lifestyles of the few selected ones at the top. That is why the rich elect a Congress to protect them in tough times. Every few years the working folks just have to come up with a little more to pay those salaries and dividends and it is easier for a Congress to take it than it would be for the elite to just force the issue. Every now and then someone will break out and move into the skyboxes but it becoming more and more a rarity. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I still have color HD DIRECTV and a Big Green Egg.
If congress really wants to help the people most affected by this recession then I have a couple of suggestions. First, how about limiting the amount of interest the banks can charge the average ‘Joe’ on a credit card to 15%. Just a few years ago 15% would have been unheard of, but now it seems like it is the equivalent of finding gas at $2.25 per gallon. Poor folks out there today are getting slapped with 24% to 28% and the banks can’t get enough of this easy money. Next Congress could outlaw the $35 fee charged whenever an average customer goes over the credit limit established when he answered that unsolicited mailer offering him the great card with the low ‘introductory interest’. Every transaction is approved on the spot now so why not just deny the charge at the point of purchase if the credit limit is exceeded. The $35 fee is as close to being criminal as one can get. If I walked into one of a bank’s branches and pointed a carrot at a teller while passing a note demanding cash to avoid being shot by the carrot then took $35 from her at carrot point I’d be arrested and sent to jail. Again only the working stiffs are the ones with this problem. The people who qualify for the loans from the banks participating in the Bailout have credit limits they never exceed or have agreements with the banks to cover any such emergency situation. At least reduce to amount to a reasonable $5.00 per month should such overage occur. The next stimulus step would be to prohibit the banks from charging the $35 on every insufficient fund check that comes through the bank. Only the average Joe’s pay these robbery class fees. Bounce the check or pay it but don’t charge the poor writer any more than the amount of the check with a limit of $10 per check. Give the poor customer a break; they are the ones funding your Bailout.
Another point I think needs to be made. If I’m going to be a part of this new consortium that pulls the nations banks financial statements out of the fire I want to sit in some of those skyboxes they all have at the various sports stadiums around the country. Why should the big shots who got them into trouble in the first place be the ones sitting up there drinking all the good whiskey and eating the ribs? I want to be chauffeured to the stadium in a stretch limo and whisked by the common folks standing in line to get to their end zone seats on the third row. After all, who is paying for those boxes? The bank was broke before Congress gave them my money to stay open, I should get some of the benefits.
Alas, I know I am dreaming. It is the poor folks like me that is suppose to take care of those at the top. I think that is one reason we have had so much trouble with integration in this country. It was hard for all us white people to realize that the majority of us had become the slaves and we had always believed the color of our skin protected us from that fate. Really the gap just keeps getting wider and wider. It takes more and more people to support the lifestyles of the few selected ones at the top. That is why the rich elect a Congress to protect them in tough times. Every few years the working folks just have to come up with a little more to pay those salaries and dividends and it is easier for a Congress to take it than it would be for the elite to just force the issue. Every now and then someone will break out and move into the skyboxes but it becoming more and more a rarity. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I still have color HD DIRECTV and a Big Green Egg.
'Joe the Plumber'
It’s Saturday, three days until what many are saying is the most important Presidential election in our lifetime, and John McCain just announced that ‘Joe the Plumber’ is his hero and he’s taking him to Washington. Now my question is, has this entire nation gone mad or is it just John McCain? McCain is a man who has served this country since he was 17 years old in one form or another. Here is a man who from birth, being the son and grandson of Admirals, a member of Congress for 26 years, and husband to the only woman richer than Oprah, has walked in the most rarified air this country has to offer. Now this nominee of the Grand Old Party is falling in love with the guy that dropped out of High School to pursue a career unclogging commodes with a plumber’s snake.
Everyone had a ‘Joe the Plumber’ in their class until he dropped out before the 11th grade or when he reached 16 years of age, whichever came first. It did not take long, usually by the 4th grade, for everyone to realize our ‘Joe’ was not going to need any advanced classes or college prep work. In my class there were two or three ‘Joe’s’ and I think I remember all three wanted to drive a truck. More than once one of the ‘Joe’s’ got me to thinking pretty hard about the cool life awaiting me if I had the nerve to join them for a life on the road. Fortunately for me I was afraid of my parents would kill me if I mentioned dropping out of school to pursue a truck stop life behind the wheel of an eighteen-wheeler. I have no idea whatever became of my ‘Joe’s’ but I know every class had some and I hope they are as happy as they planned to be during those early days of their limited formal education.
I guess if you live the sheltered life of an Admiral’s son you really don’t meet many ‘Joe’s’. While John McCain had a bad five years in Hanoi, the rest of his life has been pretty structured and privileged. He probably doesn’t realize the woods are full of guys like his newfound hero. There are some traits in a guy like ‘Joe’ that are attractive at first blush. ‘Joe’s’ learned early to talk loud about the obvious. He is usually a quick study and can often be heard telling everyone around him how formal education is not all it’s cracked up to be and how fortunate he is since he went to the school of hard knocks and how he is conversant in just about any subject. The problem with this ‘Joe’ and most of the other ‘Joe’s’ is that the school of hard knocks degree and the brash talk run thin pretty quick. The press took fifteen minutes to find out that ‘Joe’ was not a plumber, ‘Joe’ was not about to buy a plumbing business, and ‘Joe’ in fact was behind on taxes he owed in the past. ‘Joe’ did not say anything about ‘spreading the wealth’, which McCain has jumped on so fast. ‘Joe’, if he were here in the south would be described as simply a ‘loud mouth dumb ass’.
Now my next question is what is McCain going to do with ‘Joe’ when he gets him to Washington. The candidate for the highest office in the land gets absolutely giddy when he talks about ‘Joe’. This amazes me, the dumb ass completely missed one campaign stop where poor old McCain was expecting him and caused the old man to stand on stage, behind a lectern and literally call ‘Joe’ for several minutes. For the potential President of the United States of America to be calling in vain for a ‘dumb ass’ days before the election of a lifetime is scary proposition.
The experts and the candidates keep telling us this election is about judgment. I to think this office more than any other must be about judgment for many reasons. If judgment is the issue then Senator John McCain has got a serious problem. His judgment in choosing Marge Gunderson as his Vice-Presidential running mate and now his judgment in picking dumb ass ‘Joe the Plumber’ as a member of his inter circle move me to wonder if Mrs. McCain needs a long term assisted living program through her beer distributorship in place for John.
Why is this thing even close???
Everyone had a ‘Joe the Plumber’ in their class until he dropped out before the 11th grade or when he reached 16 years of age, whichever came first. It did not take long, usually by the 4th grade, for everyone to realize our ‘Joe’ was not going to need any advanced classes or college prep work. In my class there were two or three ‘Joe’s’ and I think I remember all three wanted to drive a truck. More than once one of the ‘Joe’s’ got me to thinking pretty hard about the cool life awaiting me if I had the nerve to join them for a life on the road. Fortunately for me I was afraid of my parents would kill me if I mentioned dropping out of school to pursue a truck stop life behind the wheel of an eighteen-wheeler. I have no idea whatever became of my ‘Joe’s’ but I know every class had some and I hope they are as happy as they planned to be during those early days of their limited formal education.
I guess if you live the sheltered life of an Admiral’s son you really don’t meet many ‘Joe’s’. While John McCain had a bad five years in Hanoi, the rest of his life has been pretty structured and privileged. He probably doesn’t realize the woods are full of guys like his newfound hero. There are some traits in a guy like ‘Joe’ that are attractive at first blush. ‘Joe’s’ learned early to talk loud about the obvious. He is usually a quick study and can often be heard telling everyone around him how formal education is not all it’s cracked up to be and how fortunate he is since he went to the school of hard knocks and how he is conversant in just about any subject. The problem with this ‘Joe’ and most of the other ‘Joe’s’ is that the school of hard knocks degree and the brash talk run thin pretty quick. The press took fifteen minutes to find out that ‘Joe’ was not a plumber, ‘Joe’ was not about to buy a plumbing business, and ‘Joe’ in fact was behind on taxes he owed in the past. ‘Joe’ did not say anything about ‘spreading the wealth’, which McCain has jumped on so fast. ‘Joe’, if he were here in the south would be described as simply a ‘loud mouth dumb ass’.
Now my next question is what is McCain going to do with ‘Joe’ when he gets him to Washington. The candidate for the highest office in the land gets absolutely giddy when he talks about ‘Joe’. This amazes me, the dumb ass completely missed one campaign stop where poor old McCain was expecting him and caused the old man to stand on stage, behind a lectern and literally call ‘Joe’ for several minutes. For the potential President of the United States of America to be calling in vain for a ‘dumb ass’ days before the election of a lifetime is scary proposition.
The experts and the candidates keep telling us this election is about judgment. I to think this office more than any other must be about judgment for many reasons. If judgment is the issue then Senator John McCain has got a serious problem. His judgment in choosing Marge Gunderson as his Vice-Presidential running mate and now his judgment in picking dumb ass ‘Joe the Plumber’ as a member of his inter circle move me to wonder if Mrs. McCain needs a long term assisted living program through her beer distributorship in place for John.
Why is this thing even close???
Hannity and Limbaugh's World is Gone
When it comes to the election of Barack Obama not everybody seems to get it. While millions of people around the world celebrated the election of Mr. Obama on Tuesday, a few continue to seem totally lost as to what made this election so different and special. Obama should be appreciated more for the manner in which he ran his campaign than for the fact that he is the first black to be elected President in this nation that still leads the free world. This history making campaign in unique in that for nearly two years its focus was on the issues as opposed to the trivia and non consequential. It was June of ’08 before Mr. Obama and his campaign managers bent to the pressures of his party to even answer the negative attacks by his opponent and even then did the Obama campaign counter the onslaught of attack ads running against him. Through Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, the Muslim connection and attacks on a supposedly un-American wife the Obama campaign kept talking about the economy, national defense, tax relief for the middle class and health care for the nation. The American voters were paying attention and listening. The decided early that this election was going to be about more than personal attacks and the minutia, that the future of life as we know it was far too important to allow the election of our leader to not be about substantive matters.
Those who fail to get it this time will probably never get it. I switched over last night, the night after election day just to see what Sean Hannity was saying one day removed from Obama’s big win. There in prime time, the day after what many consider to be a benchmark election in our nations history, was mega conservative T.V. star and talk show host Hannity with special guest ‘Joe the Plumber’. ‘Joe the Plumber’, unshaven, wearing what appeared to be a dirty T-shirt, was explaining how President-elect Obama was unpatriotic, un-American and totally unfit to be President. What Hannity and those like him fail to understand is that this nation for at least a fleeting moment has grown beyond the gimmicks and flash card sound bytes of the old Lee Atwater/Carl Rove politics. As an electorate we’ve seen our better angels and we know electing our officials can be done in a much better way. Hannity was pitiful in his obvious efforts to lead poor old Joe into saying whatever Hannity thought sounded good. Joe on the other hand looked and sounded like he was just coming off a day long drunk and would have followed any lead Hannity offered. Probably the best part was when Joe assured Hannity that he had done research on just what un-American and unpatriotic meant by looking them up in the Webster’s Dictionary earlier and was confident Obama met all the requirements.
Hopefully Sean it is not all about tricks and gimmicks any more. The Hannitys, the Limbaughs and the other leaders of the far right can now go peacefully back under the rocks from whence they came. The United States has experienced the light of legitimate campaigning and hopefully it will be far too painful to slide back into the dark and negative world of ‘Joe the Plumbers’.
Those who fail to get it this time will probably never get it. I switched over last night, the night after election day just to see what Sean Hannity was saying one day removed from Obama’s big win. There in prime time, the day after what many consider to be a benchmark election in our nations history, was mega conservative T.V. star and talk show host Hannity with special guest ‘Joe the Plumber’. ‘Joe the Plumber’, unshaven, wearing what appeared to be a dirty T-shirt, was explaining how President-elect Obama was unpatriotic, un-American and totally unfit to be President. What Hannity and those like him fail to understand is that this nation for at least a fleeting moment has grown beyond the gimmicks and flash card sound bytes of the old Lee Atwater/Carl Rove politics. As an electorate we’ve seen our better angels and we know electing our officials can be done in a much better way. Hannity was pitiful in his obvious efforts to lead poor old Joe into saying whatever Hannity thought sounded good. Joe on the other hand looked and sounded like he was just coming off a day long drunk and would have followed any lead Hannity offered. Probably the best part was when Joe assured Hannity that he had done research on just what un-American and unpatriotic meant by looking them up in the Webster’s Dictionary earlier and was confident Obama met all the requirements.
Hopefully Sean it is not all about tricks and gimmicks any more. The Hannitys, the Limbaughs and the other leaders of the far right can now go peacefully back under the rocks from whence they came. The United States has experienced the light of legitimate campaigning and hopefully it will be far too painful to slide back into the dark and negative world of ‘Joe the Plumbers’.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Election made in Heaven (Election Land)
Few people have any idea how this 2008 presidential race came about. It all started in a never-never land where politicians go when they die. Politicians are a lot like flies, God never quite figured out why he made them in the first place and did not know what to do with them after they departed this life. In all politicians there is always some good and then there is always some bad so they were not really candidates for either heaven or hell. To solve the dilemma God created Election Land, a place where for six months out of the year the dearly departed pols suffered in hell like conditions and longed for their days on Capitol Hill. The other six months of the year they enjoyed life in a world that resembled Augusta National. During this time they enjoyed beautiful golf courses, luxurious homes, the finest of food and drink and the company of other politicians, many of whom they had known and worked with while on earth.
On one particularly beautiful day in the Spring of 2005, four old friends had gotten together on the finest of the golf courses in Election Land. John Kennedy, Tip O’Neill, Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford. Richard Nixon had beg to play and even showed up on the first tee, but even in Election Land the citizens have scruples, and the first four knew there was no way any of them would ever trust ‘Dicky Boy’ in even a $2.00 match. The four all shot even par as was always the case in Election Land and retired to the club house to have a drink and discuss events taking place on the earth. As one might expect the talk quickly turned to the election that would take place in 2008 and soon the lines were drawn between the republicans and the democrats. Reagan and Ford quickly pointed out the GOP was in their opinion a lock to retake the White House. The country was still scared of their shadow and the Repubs could always sell their ability to protect them. Kennedy and O’Neill had other ideas. “No party ever gets a third term”, Kennedy stated, and besides “Bush and Cheney have just about driven everyone crazy with all their stupid moves”, he said winking at Tip and sipping his drink. “Why don’t we put a little wager on this thing and talk King David, the ruler of Election Land, into letting us run this election from here,” former President Ford suggested. “Do you think he’ll let us”, Reagan ask, “we can try, and maybe it will get us out of the hell part for a couple of years”, Kennedy replied.
As soon as the four had finished their drinks they eased out of the clubhouse, still keeping an eye out for Nixon and went straight to King David’s office over in the Election Land Administration Building. David was not busy at this particular time and his secretary, Ann Richards, show them in for their visit. “What’s up boys,” he asks as soon as everybody got seated. “We’ve got a little proposition we’d like to discuss with you”, Reagan said as they got settled. “There’s an election coming up in our old country in a couple of years and we’ve made a little bet on who will win”, Kennedy began. “Yes and we’d like to get your permission to let us manipulate it from here to see whose really still got the most savvy in politics”, JFK continued. “That’s never been done and I don’t know what the Man Upstairs would think about first letting you do this and second what he’d think about the four of you messing with the children he has left on the earth in the United States”, King David replied. “Well,” Tip began, “we would promise we’d get two guys that would wear each other out over who’s the best Christian, and would do their best to run down any of those other people who don’t believe in the Big Guy”. “That’s right”, said Reagan, “who ever we pick would give all those from the Axis of Evil hell and we’d really promote the Big Guy no matter who we pick”. The five argued and discussed this proposition for a couple of hours before finally convincing David to let them go ahead. “We’ll also need to stay out of the Hell part of being here for at least until after the election”, Kennedy said as they begin to leave. “I don’t know about that”, King David said and grew a worried look across his face. “When this place was set up God made it pretty clear that you guys had to pay for your sins by spending six months in Hell each year”, David seem genuinely concerned. “Just talk with Him and tell him we will be driving and scaring millions of folks to him over the course of this election and he will reap the benefits from whatever we do”, Gerald Ford who had not said much before replied to David. “I’ll talk to him about it and let you know pretty soon David told the group and closed the door behind them.
David brought the proposition up during the next staff meeting and told God he thought it was something that would keep the morale up in Election Land. The rest of the inhabitants had heard about the challenge and all of them were getting excited about it and were already talking about starting a betting pool and watching the outcome. The only one in all of Election Land that was against it was Nixon and he was just mad because the four had agreed to no dirty tricks and he did not think that made for a fair election. After a few minutes of deliberation the Lord agreed, simply saying that it might be fun to watch and to tell the boys to get it on.
Kennedy, O’Neill, Ford and Reagan sat down to lay out the ground rules and discuss just what would be fair to everyone concerned. Ford and Reagan were supremely over confident and Kennedy was quick pick up on it from the start. “Well you know you’ve got a tremendous advantage” JFK was setting them up. “You are the incumbents and there is that threat of war everyone is worried about”, Kennedy was showing his smarts. “Well yea,” replied Reagan, “our folks are going to remember me while your folks are going to need to get over ‘Oval Office Bill’ and the ‘Peanut Man’ to ever even get back to remembering you, and most people are dead that were there when you were in office”, Reagan said with a chuckle. “Tell you what we’ll do”, Reagan went on. Reagan had fallen for JFK’s set-up, “to make it fair we will pick a 73 year old man that has had cancer twice, finished last in his class in college, dumped one wife for a rich trophy wife and don’t know a Shiite from a good grade of peanut butter”, Reagan knew John McCain was who he was planning to push. “That’s fair, but still you have a too much of an advantage what with the incumbency and the way things are going,” replied Tip. “Well, who would you pick, let’s see if we can cut you any more slack,” said Ford. Kennedy had been watching a kid he thought reminded him of himself since the last Democratic convention. The kid was black but smart as a whip and most importantly to Kennedy had gone to Harvard. “We’ll do this”, said Kennedy, “we’ll pick a black guy that is just now going into the Senate for the first time and we will make him our choice, if you will spot us the Vice-President”. “You’re going for that skinny kid from Chicago that gave the speech last year at your convention”, Ford remember the young man but could not pronounce his name. “You would actually pick a black guy”, Reagan had no idea who they were talking about. “If you’ll do that we could pick Ronald McDonald for our V.P and beat you worse than LBJ beat Goldwater,” Reagan said while trying to control his laughter. “You’ve got to give us the V.P.”, said Tip, beginning to worry about JFK’s choice for President. “No problem,” replied Ford, “we’ll let you choose for us”, Ford was now actually laughing. “Just let us describe the pick for you, you actually make the call”, Kennedy said. Ford and Reagan could not control themselves. “Go ahead”, Ford said, “if you’re running a black man we’ll take ‘Otis’ from Mayberry and kick you ass”.
Kennedy and O’Neill thought about it overnight and by morning had their requirements for the Republican pick. The four met the next morning at the Panera Bread Store for coffee and bagels and to finalize their bets. “Here’s what we want”, started Kennedy, “we want you to pick a woman, she needs to have a degree in a useless field, from some small state school that took her at least five years to complete. We want her to be married to a guy that looks like ‘Ralph Crampton’ from the ‘Honeymooner’s’, never wears a tie or went to college, we want her to have a house full of kids and one of the girls must be knocked-up by an 18 year old high school dropout, and she can’t have any experience in foreign affairs or have ever traveled outside the U.S. more that twice. Oh yea, we want her to talk like Marge Gunderson from the movie ‘Fargo’.” Both Reagan and Ford where so cocky about the black candidate the Democrats had chosen that they agreed. “I don’t even know if that person exist”, said Reagan, “but if she does we’ll get her and you’ve got a bet”. Neither of the Republicans had even ask about the Democrats choice for V.P. Finally, Ford, who had a soft spot in his heart for V.P.’s queried the Democrats about who their nominee would be. “We’re going with Joe Biden”, Tip said, “a good old Eastern liberal, but honest man. He’s been around for a while and will help the kid in some of those blue-collar states where they might be afraid of the black man.
The tickets complete, the four finally had to decide on the amount of the wager. “How about the losers agree to caddy for the winners the first round after the election,” Tip offered. “Fine by me,” replied Ford, “and the winners will buy the drinks.”
That my friend is how this match-up came about. There is no other way to explain the four people running to either lead the free world or to be one heart beat away from leading it. I think the Big Guy played with the Stock Market just to mess with them.
On one particularly beautiful day in the Spring of 2005, four old friends had gotten together on the finest of the golf courses in Election Land. John Kennedy, Tip O’Neill, Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford. Richard Nixon had beg to play and even showed up on the first tee, but even in Election Land the citizens have scruples, and the first four knew there was no way any of them would ever trust ‘Dicky Boy’ in even a $2.00 match. The four all shot even par as was always the case in Election Land and retired to the club house to have a drink and discuss events taking place on the earth. As one might expect the talk quickly turned to the election that would take place in 2008 and soon the lines were drawn between the republicans and the democrats. Reagan and Ford quickly pointed out the GOP was in their opinion a lock to retake the White House. The country was still scared of their shadow and the Repubs could always sell their ability to protect them. Kennedy and O’Neill had other ideas. “No party ever gets a third term”, Kennedy stated, and besides “Bush and Cheney have just about driven everyone crazy with all their stupid moves”, he said winking at Tip and sipping his drink. “Why don’t we put a little wager on this thing and talk King David, the ruler of Election Land, into letting us run this election from here,” former President Ford suggested. “Do you think he’ll let us”, Reagan ask, “we can try, and maybe it will get us out of the hell part for a couple of years”, Kennedy replied.
As soon as the four had finished their drinks they eased out of the clubhouse, still keeping an eye out for Nixon and went straight to King David’s office over in the Election Land Administration Building. David was not busy at this particular time and his secretary, Ann Richards, show them in for their visit. “What’s up boys,” he asks as soon as everybody got seated. “We’ve got a little proposition we’d like to discuss with you”, Reagan said as they got settled. “There’s an election coming up in our old country in a couple of years and we’ve made a little bet on who will win”, Kennedy began. “Yes and we’d like to get your permission to let us manipulate it from here to see whose really still got the most savvy in politics”, JFK continued. “That’s never been done and I don’t know what the Man Upstairs would think about first letting you do this and second what he’d think about the four of you messing with the children he has left on the earth in the United States”, King David replied. “Well,” Tip began, “we would promise we’d get two guys that would wear each other out over who’s the best Christian, and would do their best to run down any of those other people who don’t believe in the Big Guy”. “That’s right”, said Reagan, “who ever we pick would give all those from the Axis of Evil hell and we’d really promote the Big Guy no matter who we pick”. The five argued and discussed this proposition for a couple of hours before finally convincing David to let them go ahead. “We’ll also need to stay out of the Hell part of being here for at least until after the election”, Kennedy said as they begin to leave. “I don’t know about that”, King David said and grew a worried look across his face. “When this place was set up God made it pretty clear that you guys had to pay for your sins by spending six months in Hell each year”, David seem genuinely concerned. “Just talk with Him and tell him we will be driving and scaring millions of folks to him over the course of this election and he will reap the benefits from whatever we do”, Gerald Ford who had not said much before replied to David. “I’ll talk to him about it and let you know pretty soon David told the group and closed the door behind them.
David brought the proposition up during the next staff meeting and told God he thought it was something that would keep the morale up in Election Land. The rest of the inhabitants had heard about the challenge and all of them were getting excited about it and were already talking about starting a betting pool and watching the outcome. The only one in all of Election Land that was against it was Nixon and he was just mad because the four had agreed to no dirty tricks and he did not think that made for a fair election. After a few minutes of deliberation the Lord agreed, simply saying that it might be fun to watch and to tell the boys to get it on.
Kennedy, O’Neill, Ford and Reagan sat down to lay out the ground rules and discuss just what would be fair to everyone concerned. Ford and Reagan were supremely over confident and Kennedy was quick pick up on it from the start. “Well you know you’ve got a tremendous advantage” JFK was setting them up. “You are the incumbents and there is that threat of war everyone is worried about”, Kennedy was showing his smarts. “Well yea,” replied Reagan, “our folks are going to remember me while your folks are going to need to get over ‘Oval Office Bill’ and the ‘Peanut Man’ to ever even get back to remembering you, and most people are dead that were there when you were in office”, Reagan said with a chuckle. “Tell you what we’ll do”, Reagan went on. Reagan had fallen for JFK’s set-up, “to make it fair we will pick a 73 year old man that has had cancer twice, finished last in his class in college, dumped one wife for a rich trophy wife and don’t know a Shiite from a good grade of peanut butter”, Reagan knew John McCain was who he was planning to push. “That’s fair, but still you have a too much of an advantage what with the incumbency and the way things are going,” replied Tip. “Well, who would you pick, let’s see if we can cut you any more slack,” said Ford. Kennedy had been watching a kid he thought reminded him of himself since the last Democratic convention. The kid was black but smart as a whip and most importantly to Kennedy had gone to Harvard. “We’ll do this”, said Kennedy, “we’ll pick a black guy that is just now going into the Senate for the first time and we will make him our choice, if you will spot us the Vice-President”. “You’re going for that skinny kid from Chicago that gave the speech last year at your convention”, Ford remember the young man but could not pronounce his name. “You would actually pick a black guy”, Reagan had no idea who they were talking about. “If you’ll do that we could pick Ronald McDonald for our V.P and beat you worse than LBJ beat Goldwater,” Reagan said while trying to control his laughter. “You’ve got to give us the V.P.”, said Tip, beginning to worry about JFK’s choice for President. “No problem,” replied Ford, “we’ll let you choose for us”, Ford was now actually laughing. “Just let us describe the pick for you, you actually make the call”, Kennedy said. Ford and Reagan could not control themselves. “Go ahead”, Ford said, “if you’re running a black man we’ll take ‘Otis’ from Mayberry and kick you ass”.
Kennedy and O’Neill thought about it overnight and by morning had their requirements for the Republican pick. The four met the next morning at the Panera Bread Store for coffee and bagels and to finalize their bets. “Here’s what we want”, started Kennedy, “we want you to pick a woman, she needs to have a degree in a useless field, from some small state school that took her at least five years to complete. We want her to be married to a guy that looks like ‘Ralph Crampton’ from the ‘Honeymooner’s’, never wears a tie or went to college, we want her to have a house full of kids and one of the girls must be knocked-up by an 18 year old high school dropout, and she can’t have any experience in foreign affairs or have ever traveled outside the U.S. more that twice. Oh yea, we want her to talk like Marge Gunderson from the movie ‘Fargo’.” Both Reagan and Ford where so cocky about the black candidate the Democrats had chosen that they agreed. “I don’t even know if that person exist”, said Reagan, “but if she does we’ll get her and you’ve got a bet”. Neither of the Republicans had even ask about the Democrats choice for V.P. Finally, Ford, who had a soft spot in his heart for V.P.’s queried the Democrats about who their nominee would be. “We’re going with Joe Biden”, Tip said, “a good old Eastern liberal, but honest man. He’s been around for a while and will help the kid in some of those blue-collar states where they might be afraid of the black man.
The tickets complete, the four finally had to decide on the amount of the wager. “How about the losers agree to caddy for the winners the first round after the election,” Tip offered. “Fine by me,” replied Ford, “and the winners will buy the drinks.”
That my friend is how this match-up came about. There is no other way to explain the four people running to either lead the free world or to be one heart beat away from leading it. I think the Big Guy played with the Stock Market just to mess with them.
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