"The Secret"

2/29/08

Life is about to get a lot better for this ole fat boy and as far as I’m concerned it’s about time. I just watched the ‘Oprah’ show where Oprah and the guest talk about the ‘Secret’ for an hour. From what I was able to understand the ‘Secret’ is really something. I was so impressed that I ordered a DVD, I’ve watched another Oprah show featuring the ‘Secret’ and I’ve learned the keys to putting the ‘Secret’ to work for me so that I can have all I ever wanted.

If you are just now hearing about the ‘Secret’, I want to streamline the necessary step to reach the stage I am about to enter and enjoy. First you’ve got to figure out what it is you want, a person has to know definitely what it is they want. Next you have write it down and be able to talk about everything to another person. After you decide what it is you want, you make a ‘vision board’ where you put several pictures of everything you want. If you don’t have a camera or can’t do a board then make a list of what will make you happy. When you get the ‘vision board’ with pictures or the list, you look at them several times a day and repeat out loud the thing you want. Every time visualizing yourself with everything on the board or list. Once you begin to do this, the universe will hear and feel you and will begin to return these wishes to you. Now I’m not sure who the universe uses to do the returning to you or how they even figure out what it is you want and whether or not it will even work in your life. The people I’ve seen pretty much wanted stuff they could use, like money, cars and fame. I am not sure what would happen if you wanted something really crazy but I’m not going to push it, I’m just asking for money and easy things that an older guy in Alabama might want.

Now for what goes on my vision board and list. I figured for someone who has been out of touch with the universe for as long as I have it might be better for me to have both a list and a board. They tell you to be very specific when you make up your list of wishes and wants. I thought about my first choice and decided to go with a picture of Oprah herself to be the first picture on my board and name on my list. It is not important how you do it so long as you know what it means. I am using a picture of Oprah to represent the money I want the universe to give me. I always think of money when I see a picture of Oprah and there are always plenty of pictures of her around to use. I read somewhere years ago that she made over $100,000,000 a year and that is reason enough for me to always think of money when I see her picture.

Next up on my ‘vision board’ is a picture of Carrie Underwood. Don’t jump to any conclusions here. I am not a pervert that fantasizes about pretty young girls. My reason for using Ms. Underwood is that if everything I heard on the Oprah show is true, the universe will make my wife begin to look more like the picture on my ‘vision board’. It would be o.k. with me if she just started to favor Carrie Underwood a little.

For my wife’s sake I would also put pictures of Matthew McConaughey and Peyton Manning on my ‘board’ and list. She thinks the two of them are really hot and I figure if the universe could make her look like Carrie Underwood, then it could give me a little touch-up and make me more like Matthew and Peyton.

With Oprah’s money, a wife that looks like Carrie Underwood, a new set of abs and a full head of hair, there is just nothing left I need. This stuff is great; I can’t for the life of me figure out why nobody ever discovered it before. To be sure I didn’t miss anything I think I’ll order all three of those books they advertised on the show that explained everything. After all, they know the ‘Secret’ and don’t even need the $39.99 I sent each one of them; they’re just in it to help people.

You don’t think all three of them have my picture on their ‘vision board’ with a caption that simply says ‘Sucker’, do you?