JACK NORMAN LOSERS WEEK 4

Well ole Jack Norman ran the board this past week and picked 5 for 5 losers.  That brings my average for this year to an enviable .500 in just two weeks of prime picking.  I think if you will remember my boyhood hero Mickey Mantle is securely in the Baseball Hall of Fame with a .298 batting average.  Last week was very entertaining.  Some of the summertime wonders got their pants pulled down and tripped all over their pre-season hype and exposed for the hot air they were.  Arkansas was never going to beat Alabama and USC was not going to the BCS Championship game with Monty’s boy and Orgeron leading the charge.  On the other hand get ready for the new onslaught of love for Notre Dame and Florida, neither are worthy of being in charge of Little Nicky’s hairspray or the ‘Hat’s’ take- out bag of grass he uses when playing on artificial turf.  Now for week 4.

VANDY at GEORGIA

Richt, the coach with the most that does the least, moves into the ‘meat of his schedule.  After the Florida Atlantic Owls came to town he has to get the ‘dogs’ up again for a conference powerhouse.  Vandy is coming off a cross between city league football and prayer meeting in beating the feared ‘Blue Hose’ of Presbyterian.  Coach Franklin could put a whipping on the ‘Dogs’ if he has everybody singing out of the same Latin hymn book and Georgia is looking  around the corner toward the, decent for one half, Tennessee Vols. 

Jack Norman’s Loser:  GEORGIA

AKRON at TENNESSEE

I guess if your team can only play for ½ of a game then you should schedule ½ of a D1 team to play.  If the Volunteers can get all that throw up off their jerseys from the 2^nd half last week and they can get at least 60,000 fans back in the seats the abandoned last Saturday they could really show the ‘Zips’ a thing or two about what Tennessee football once was.  Can you believe a fan base that really wish’s they could get Phil Fulmer back for an encore. 

Jack Norman’s Loser:  Akron

OLE MISS at TULANE

I only watched the Ole Miss offense last week and thought they were really doing great until I heard on Sports Center what Texas offense did.  As an Auburn fan I’m really going out on a limb here when I say any college that gives scholarships for football and lets another team score 66 points on them should probably spend more money on research and English classes and a lot less on football.  Holding your opponent  to 66 is not that bad if you  are playing Kentucky in basketball but in football Saturday’s in the ‘Grove’ would be better spent reading a book by one of the famous alumni.  I do like this new coach and do think Texas is pretty good so:

Jack Norman’s Loser:  Tulane

KENTUCKY at FLORIDA

Out of a deep and abiding friendship with Kathy Duncan, Billy Hudson and Ronnie Dukes I will limit my comments on this trip to Florida by the Wildcats.  Bam Bam seems to have learned a lot from those two years in coaching 101.  Looks like he has finally figured out how to use all that talent Florida seems to always have.  The ‘wildcats’ on the other had seem to not only be lacking in talent but completely void of any coaching.  This one may fall into that 66 point scored with Florida having an open date the next week and getting ready for LSU two weeks out. 

Jack Norman’s Loser:  Kentucky

RUTGERS at ARKANSAS

Speaking of throw up all over you jerseys.  A local writer said that John L. Lewis Smith looked like your granddaddy talking to a customer service rep in India trying to get his computer turned on.  I must agree.  Anybody else that took $850,000 from a school to coach a team many picked to compete for the SEC Championship would have been jailed for Grand Larceny.  Alabama so completely demolished the ‘Hogs’ that they are not even decent for low grade sausage.  Look for a big comeback this week, the ‘Hogs’ may score.

Jack Norman’s Loser:     Arkansas

SOUTH ALABAMA at MISSISSIPPI STATE

Well the ‘Bulldogs’ escaped South Alabama with a 6 point win over TROY.  That’s pretty good since TROY is now the second best team in Alabama for the time being.  Dan Mullen is proving he’s the best coach State has ever had the old fashion way, scheduling.  This week he has the dog door open to that mighty band of ‘Jaguars’ from South Alabama.  Now Joey Jones has done a great job of building that program and surely needs to raise some money, but if Mullen thinks this will get him any respect then he’s been reading his bio too much.  He better be careful, the next two weeks will be just as tough, he has ‘open’ and ‘Kentucky’.  As Sarah Palin so famously said, “grow a pair Mullen”. 

Jack Norman’s Loser:    South Alabama

LSU at AUBURN

I’m hoping AUBURN falls within the geographical area that requires hurricane protection, they are going to need it.  This was the year all SEC contenders look for, all their big opponents at home.  Who knew all these 4 and 5 stars we have been signing couldn’t play in a stadium that held more than 6,000 people.  I love’em and will be at the top of my form in hollering ‘WAR EAGLE’ but I might as well go over to the forest and do my hollering into a bear’s butt.  I’ve said it before LSU and ALABAMA should be playing on Sunday’s and Monday nights.  I know AUBURN will come back but LSU is not the place to start.

Jack Norman’s Loser:    AUBURN

FLORIDA ATLANTIC at ALABAMA 

If I were the ‘OWLS’ I promise I would call it in.  Offer Mal Moore a refund on whatever the deposit was and let the kids go alligator hunting in the glades Saturday afternoon, they’d be safer.  They probably think they played a football team last Saturday at Georgia but that was just the appetizer.  There is big difference between stuffed mushrooms and prime steak.  Miracles do happen, Moses got the Jews across the sea and there was a forth man in that fire with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego but it ain’t  gonna happen in Tuscaloosa this coming Saturday. 

Jack Norman’s Loser:  FLORIDA ATLANTIC

 

JACK NORMAN'S LOSERS WEEK 3

Probably noticed I changed my name for this literary masterpiece.  Just didn't feel good about 'Big Norm', sounds like some type of beef jerky or a new beer brewed at one of the new kind of joints that sells homemade beer and corn-beef sandwiches with little vegetable sticks on the side. Jack Norman is my name and I lived 66 years with it and I will finish out with it. 

In 1905 a pitcher named, Vic Willis, for the Boston Braves lost 29 games in one year.  Well ole Vic was a sight better pitcher than I was a football game picker last week.  The fact that I missed 7 out of the 8 games picked last week is an event equaling many of the earth’s most famous events. (i.e. the separation of the continents, discovery of ice cream and La. Monroe beating BAMA 5 years ago.)  Like my  beloved AUBURN TIGERS, I will make a comeback that will shock generations to come. 

VANDERBILT vs PRESBYTERIAN

I thought the brains from Music City had finally turned that corner everyone talks about but no one can direct you to.  Losing to Northwestern gave Yankees everywhere the opportunity pick up where they left off bragging about owning the South even though beating the ‘dores’ is more like Grant using his whole army to take Falkville out of the war.  Discounting the possibility of God jumping in on the side of the PRESBYTERIAN ‘Blue Hose’ Franklin and his high achieving brainiacks should do all right.  ‘Blue Hose’, are you serious?

Jack Norman’s LOSER:  PRESBYTERIAN

TENNESSEE vs FLORIDA

Now this one is going to make me put on my big boy picking pants.  The ‘Smokey Dogs’ have looked pretty good running up and down the field on the Catholic charities the first two weeks.  The skinny kid at quarterback can definitely throw the ball and they have three better than average east Tennessee ridge runners to catch it when the skinny kid throws.  On the other hand Bam Bam may have finally gotten his certificate from that coaching 101 class he’s been repeating for the last two years and has the big lizards beginning to to impersonate the old gators of the past,  at least for a half.  All my kinfolks in Tennessee, the ones with the brains and money, will probably not tell me again next year where the family reunion is but:

Jack Norman’s LOSER:  TENNESSEE

OLE MISS vs TEXAS

Ut-oh, somebody is about to put Texas crude in the punch at the GROVE.  Here’s this new coach that has the ‘johnny rebs’ 2-0 after two weeks and now there’s a herd of long horn cattle fording the Mississippi River headed toward Oxford and they’re not headed for John Gresham’s pasture.  Mack Brown thinks he has the team to get him back to the place where $5,000,000 coaches ought to be.  Whether he has or not remains to be seen but the ‘hottie totties’ are going to feel like the peanut shells on the floor of a Dallas saloon when the herd heads west again late Saturday. 

Jack Norman’s LOSER:  OLE MISS

LSU vs IDAHO

Did I even read that right?  My Uncle Harry and some other folks I think are smart doubt there is even such a place as IDAHO.  I personally wonder since I have never known anyone that has even been there.  If the state exist why do they even want to play LSU.  Money is one thing but longevity and a healthy life means so much more.  The only teams that should even consider playing LSU and ALABAMA are each other and the teams that play on Sunday, Monday night and in the Super Bowl.  Where does the ‘hat’ find these patsies, most are on the list of teams supported by United Way.  

Jack Norman’s LOSER:  IDAHO

AUBURN vs LA. MONROE

Are we close to the season being over?  Who kidnapped all those 4 & 5 stars and replace them with the West Alabama scout team.  The most positive thing I can say comes from my favorite mayoral candidate when he speculated that maybe LA.MONROE will be over confident and AUBURN could possibly catch them looking past the TIGERS toward the next real test.  I have been an AUBURN fan for at least 60 years so I have learned the values of patience and hope, as a result again I believe this is the week the Chizik pride of kitty cats turns it around.

Jack Norman’s LOSERS:  LA. MONROE

ALABAMA vs ARKANSAS

If you are like a lot of ALABAMA fans, running around talking about how the ‘PIGS’ are going to be mad and more ferocious now after being cut by the mighty ‘WarHawks’ of LA. MONROE, get real.  Cut hogs are what made the difference between the wild boar and the ‘little piggy’ that says wee-wee-wee all the way home.  My only regret that ‘motorcycle man’ is not still the head ‘hog’.  ALABAMA was all ways going to beat them.  They’re ARKANSAS for goodness sake, BAMA could play them in John L. Lewis Smith’s backyard and still beat them 30 points. 

Jack Norman’s LOSER:  ARKANSAS.

BIG NORM'S LOSERS for week 2

I don’t know if anyone else misses old Leonard Postero of Leonard’s Losers as much as I do but the Saturday morning drive on the way to a ballgame is not the same without him.  My better half, Patsy, and I were discussing this past Saturday how much we miss him and she suggested that I try to do something similar in an effort to put some of that old Saturday morning magic back in game day experience.  No one will ever replace or come near the entertainment Leonard so wonderfully gave us but I am going to try just because I miss him so much. 

This coming Saturday’s games will be my first and probably last but I’m going to give it a shot. 

September the 8^th, the second and everybody's shot at either redemption or continued glory shakes out like this:
.

Vanderbilt vs Northwestern: 

The Commodores under their second year coach and miracle worker are either on dope or have been hypnotized to believe they can actually play football.  They came within rowing distance of beating the ‘Ole Ball Coach’ and his Marshal Durbin load of roosters last week in the season opener and are headed up north to play the Northwestern Wildcats.  I feel sure the medication or hypnotism will last at least another week and surely any team from Nashville can handle a team with a mascot named ‘Willie the Wildcat’.  The South will surely rise in this one.  Big Norm’s loser---Northwestern. 

Tennessee vs Georgia State:

Little Derrick and his Smokey Dogs ran NC State and all the trailing wolf pack plum out of the big house on the River in Knoxville back across the line, licking their wounds and howling like the kicked dogs they were last week.  This week they will lure the Georgia State Panthers into that same big house on the river.   Even with Bill Curry, sweater and all, the Panthers have gotten off to a bad start by losing to South Carolina State by the embarrassing score of 33-6, so a big turnaround in this second week is highly unlikely.  Dooley will certainly add to his legend career this week.  Big Norm’s loser-- Georgia State.

Ole Miss vs Utep

The Lord in all his wisdom has tried his best to give the Johnny Rebs as much consideration as is possible in scheduling while the ‘hottie totties’ break in their brand new coach God sent them from Ark. State.  They really had a tussle with the power house Central Arkansas before finally finishing them off last week but there is a truck load of hungry miners headed their way this week to finish what they couldn’t quite pull off against Oklahoma last week.  Never trust hungry ‘miners’ on a weekend with the smell of fried chicken thick in the air from partying in the ‘Grove’.  Big Norm’s loser—Ole Miss. 

Kentucky vs. Kent State

Kentucky should never play anything but basketball and Kent State is the school that gave us Nick Saban.  Enough said.   Big Norm’s loser---Kentucky

Florida vs. Texas A&M

Well Bam-Bam was supposed to be the answer to all Florida’s problems when they got him away from Texas with a key to the Bank of Gainesville.  Last year was all the fault of the fat ass

guy sitting on the cooler calling the offense.  Against the power house Bowling Green last week it seem the fat guy might not have been the total problem.  The lizard chompers barely escaped the lowly Falcons at home, now they must go to College Station and play a team with a new coach that wants to make a good first impression on their new conference friends.  The Aggies may not be the ‘hook’em horns’ but the Gators are in for one more fight.  Big Norm’s loser---Florida

Arkansas vs. La. Monroe

The hogs have one more ride through the forest on their Harley before they get to host the Crimson Tide out there in the Ozark’s.  La. Monroe is not much to talk about when you’ve been squealing around the pig pen all year about how good you are.  Temporary coach or not the Hogs should be way too much for the Warhawks from Cajun country.  Big Norm’s Loser---La.Monroe.

Georgia vs. Missouri

University of Georgia head ball coach has now held the title of coach with the most talent and least results for longer than any other active coaching man.  Coach Richt has proven he can underachieve with the best.  On the other hand Missouri is probably tired of hearing how it is going  to be years before it can compete in the SEC and has sent a fleet of yellow cabs to bring the dogs out to Columbia for an old fashion welcome to the conference butt whipping by the Tigers.  If Missouri were not already in the SEC this would be another embarrassment for our conference but now it’s just another occasion for Richt to talk about how they will be better next week. 

Big Norm’s loser----Georgia.  

Auburn vs. Mississippi State

Dan Mullen is about to wear out his welcome in dog town.  Is he the great coach he says he is or just another beneficiary of the Tim Tebow era in gator town.  Mullen’s puppies have got to beat somebody from the western division someday but will it be against the Tigers from the loveliest village?  Coach C. loaded up his baby Tigers last week and led them into the Dome against a good if not great Clemson team and hung tough till the very end.  Mullen invited the sisters of the poor over to Starkspatch for a fight similar to a Michael Vick family outing.  Maybe someday but not this year.   Big Norm’s loser----Mississippi  State.

Alabama vs. Western Kentucky

Already said people in Kentucky should play basketball.  I’m not sure anyone this side of Eli and the New York Giants could give Alabama at this time a decent game.  Little Nicky has it all going for him right now and something short of Coach Bryant coming in here with his ’61 team is not going to slow it down.  If I were a lawyer in Bowling Green today I’d be on T.V. offering a deal on wills and living wills for anyone on the traveling team.  Little Nicky will dictate this score.

Big Norm’s loser---Western Kentucky.