'DYSON' vs 'SHOP-VAC'

“When ‘mama’ ain’t happy nobody is happy.” Whoever first spoke these words is a genius or at least he was married to a woman wired like my wife. For months all I’ve heard is about how we need a ‘Dyson’ cyclone suck all vacuum cleaner. This is the kind where the guy in the commercial, that talks like he’s from England or somewhere outside Alabama, explains how he invented this new vacuum cleaner that never loses suction. I really don’t know why Patsy needs a vacuum since she rarely ever uses one in the first place but for whatever the reason that ad caught her attention. Knowing how badly she wanted this new vacuum cleaner I decided that I would surprise her on her birthday with just what she talked so much about.

Like most men of the twenty-first century I went on line to shop for this special birthday surprise. I went first to the ‘Dyson’ site and found the offerings from that well advertised purveyor of carpet sucking products. I was literally overcome with the selection offered by this company. On television the grey hair man only mentions and shows what he calls a ‘Dyson’ machine. On the web site there are hundreds of different models not to mention the additional hundreds of accessories. There is everything from a ‘Dyson DC07 All Floors’ to a ‘Dyson DC25 Ball’ with about thirty different ‘Dyson’s’ thrown in for good measure. Some of the machines even have descriptive words in their name like the ‘Dyson DC07 Animal’, or the ‘Dyson DC17Allergy & Asthma’. Now I would think a vacuum cleaner that was revolutionizing the world of sucking up stuff off the floor would have all these features in one simple machine. Does this great inventor think we are going to buy multiple machines for specific applications around the house? One machine for the animal hair and then another for stuff we’re allergic to and maybe a third for the living room where neither animals nor humans ever go. The web search became more complicated when ask to decide whether you wanted an upright, canister or handheld, all equipped with the same dirt, dust, dog hair and lint options. The biggest downer with ‘Dyson’ was the pricing. I’m one of those guys that bought my first car for $100 and cringe when I put a $70 into the gas tank of my truck. Maybe the pricing has something to do with getting American dollars back to whatever country Mr. Dyson is from or maybe there are just enough people out there that want yellow vacuum cleaners. For whatever the reason these things are begin at $399 and go all the way to $599, way too much for an old boy from Winston County.

Now here is where my problem with ‘mama’ really starts. Realizing that the ‘Dyson’ was not an option for me, I resorted to my fail-safe plan for most household purchases. I stopped by my local ACE HARDWARE store down near ALFONSO’S on 31S. The sign in the window seemed to have been placed just for me, SHOP-VAC on sale was the first thing I saw as I parked my truck. I walked in and was immediately greeted by my old friend Dave Pennington. After exchanging greetings I told Dave about my search and ask about the sign promoting the SHOP-VAC and ask if it was not a good alternative. Dave showed me to the area where the SHOP-VACs were displayed. The one on sale was not the cheapest by any means but it would do everything I thought Patsy wanted and came with all the accessories included. The 14-gallon wet/dry vac would do it all. It would not only pick up dirt and grit but also clean nails, nuts and bolts from any surface, plenty of sucking power. In addition the 11.5 amp, 5.5 HP motor would suck water from carpet or hard surface and could even be converted to a blower for what I assumed would replace the need to dust. I thought I had found the perfect birthday present for my wife. Dave agreed to throw in a 25’ garden hose to drain the tank in case we used the water sucking feature and a pack of Shop-Vac disposable catch bags, all for the sale price of $114.99. I did not even realize until later I would also get 1150 ‘ACE REWARD POINTS’ with my purchase. I thought I hit the jackpot. I took my boxed birthday present to ‘Office Depot’ and had it wrapped in brightly colored shipping paper topped with a bow from 'HOBBY LOBBY'. I had it sitting, with a beautiful birthday card attached, in the middle of the sofa Patsy sits on in the T.V. room when she walked in on the morning of her birthday.

Somewhere I failed to live up to her expectations. I have not eaten a hot meal or enjoyed one simple cuddle since she opened my present. Next year I think I will seek the advice of Claire and Jenny, my two daughter-in-laws before I pick out Patsy’s present.

If anything ever overflows at your house I do have a great 14-gallon SHOP-VAC if you need to borrow one.