'NO NCAA' LOSES AGAIN

What a beautiful day has dawned here in the River City. The primary season that started just after the first of the year three years ago has finally come to an end. Obama outlasted Hillary and McCain is still flailing around out there trying to smile on queue and explain how he’s not like W. While Obama had 20,000 screaming supporters stirred into a frenzy resembling a Jimmy Buffet concert, John was torturing a couple of thousand at the Kenner Nursing Home with his timeless impersonation of ‘Plastic Man’. He was still trying to follow the teleprompter’s instructions to smile when he made a point. This Republican son and grandson of Navy admirals has a hard time identifying with working people and it shows.

Other races that ended last night failed to draw much attention. Take the Democratic race to elect the senatorial candidate here in Alabama. Vivian Figures, a good-looking African American lady from Mobile eked out a pretty sizeable victory over my favorite candidate of the season, Mark “No NCAA” Townsend. I guess I favored old ‘No NCAA’ since we are from the same hometown. I was a big supporter of ‘No NCAA’ several years ago when he ran for governor and barely lost that election according to his web site. Of course many of you don’t recognize that these two candidates were one in the same since the last time he ran as Mark ‘rodeo clown’ Townsend. I guess either the line of work or the cause has changed since that first statewide race and misidentification is probably the only reason he failed to capture this year’s nomination.

If ‘No NCAA’ could have simply found a way to drive more readers to his web site I’m confident this year’s election would have turned out much differently. I will be looking to see if the web design company that created this year’s site wins any awards for their efforts on ‘No NCAA’s’ behalf. The site, http://sessionsisasissy.com, is a must view for anyone interested in politics. ‘No NCAA’ and his P.R. firm have set the standard for years to come on laser focused political advertising. In eight short pages I think you will gain great insight into just what makes this man tick. ‘No NCAA’ sets out who he is, where he’s coming from and what he plans to do. Not ever forgetting the insiders and people who got him to where he is today, ‘No NCAA’ takes great care in introducing us to his campaign manager, a man who popped popcorn for the Haleyville Lions football team for 25 years before being unfairly released, and numerous others from his family and campaign team. “Rodeo Clown’, no I mean ‘No NCAA’ goes into great depth to explain exactly how big government and big business have tainted the NCAA and its process. Until I read this web site I had no idea that Vice-President Dick Cheney or his former company Halliburton controlled the NCAA or even cared about it’s inner workings. ‘No NCAA’ lays it out in plain and simple language where anyone can see and understand. He even offers proof Cheney was behind his campaign manager’s loosing his job as the popcorn maker at the Haleyville ballgames. He certainly shows how the U.S. Government was behind the conspiracy to deny Auburn University a national championship in 2004. This stuff needs to be addressed and now with ‘No NCAA’s’ defeat I fear it will all be swept under the big rug in Washington.

This web site also gives one insight into ‘No NCAA’s’ softer side. If your reading this or you went to the web site you’d probably think ‘No NCAA’ was just another big old tough guy running for office, but if you did you would be so wrong. ‘No NCAA’ has even done the research to prove that all these conspiracies go much deeper. He offers irrefutable evidence that the wrongs suffered at the hand of the NCAA, Dick Cheney and the military industrial complex extend to the bands and cheerleaders as well. No stone was left unturned in ‘No NCAA’s’ quest for the truth.

I will not sit idly by the next time this man runs. I am writing ‘No NCAA’ today to offer my help in his next campaign. My first suggestion will be to run the next time as Mark ‘TheTruth.com’ Townsend. We start now, covering the state by displaying the new web site address, ‘TheTruth.com’ in every ‘Subway’ restaurant bathroom in the state. Handwritten messages in bathrooms are never removed and reach millions of voters over the years. We take the same ‘sessionsisasissy.com’ content and put it under the new address and simply change to whatever office ‘TheTruth.com’ decides to run for. Since there are now 9500 Subway’s in just this state alone we will have the state covered whenever ‘No NCAA’ is ready to go. Just like the old popcorn popper/campaign manager knows so well, “there is always next year”.