When is man supposed to have a conscious? When does it make a difference for a single person or one business or a single corporation to say a proposed event or action is wrong? I just read an article in my local paper about the on-going attempt to save the giant Wachovia Bank. Wachovia finds itself in the position of needing to be saved because of its huge investment in worthless mortgages. The article explained that Citibank first negotiated a rescue of what was once one of the top five banks in this country. Citibank had agreed to pour huge amounts of cash into the struggling Wachovia to acquire only the banking portion of the North Carolina giant. Apparently the big shots from Wachovia, the Federal Reserve and Citibank had pretty much come to a resolution on the bucket of worms the acquisition of a large bank involves. Before they could pack up their brief cases and make their final report to Erin Burnett from MSNBC, a pony express rider from Wells Fargo breezed into the room and insisted all action be ceased. Unknown to the original parties to the Citibank/Wachovia negotiations Wells Fargo had been in a meeting of their own, somewhere west of Denver, and had come up with a new and better solution to the Wachovia crisis.
After everyone was reseated at the huge conference table in the top floor of the tallest building in North Carolina, Wells Fargo began to speak. “We can do better”, the man who had previously been riding a pony express pony begin to speak. “We know your plan calls for a big infusion of tax payer money into this buy out by Citibank”, said the little fellow. “As you know, Wells Fargo is a big part of what made this country so great”, the man continued with no one understanding what he was talking about. “We have been talking about our old friend Wachovia’s problem and while all ya’ll have done a great job crafting this buyout to save the old Bank, we have a better solution for everyone”. “I don’t think so”, said the headman from Citibank, “we bought this thing and we do not need anything from you cowboys”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man who had been doing all the talking. “You tell the public how you are using government tax money to buy this sweet old bank and how there was someone in the deal without tax money willing to accomplish the same thing if not more, how about that Mr. Federal Reserve man? The Federal Reserve man had just about gone to sleep thinking he had no dog in this fight. “Well I do think we should look at all our options before we spend the taxpayers money”, the Fed man was quick to say, even though he did not care who bought the damn thing as long as Wachovia did not go under. “I don’t have long”, the Fed man quickly said, “I’ve got to get this wrapped us quick or President Bush is going to miss the Simpson’s tonight and he won’t be happy”. “What you got to offer”, the Fed man was looking straight at Mr. Wells Fargo and hoping for a quick answer.
“Wells Fargo will buy the whole thing, lock-stock and barrel”, this little fellow from Wells Fargo was saying as he pulled some paperwork from his saddlebags. The Fed’s man knew Citibank was only buying the banking portion from Wachovia and the rest would have to be dealt with later in some fashion. He like the idea of getting everything done in one easy transaction and wanted to hear more about what this guy was talking about. The guys from Wachovia were speechless, they just wanted to go home, they had lost everything, including access to the executive john and they saw nothing in either offer for them. “Go on”, the Fed guy said, “we’ve already got a deal so this had better be good”. “It’s simple”, said Wells Fargo man, “we buy it all for very little more than Citibank is paying for just the bank”. “No Way”, said the Wachovia man, speaking for really the first time. “It has taken us a week to put all this together, we’ve got it signed, sealed and packed up and I’m ready to go home”. “Yea”, said the Citibank representative, “we got it fair and square while ya’ll were still in California and we’re not giving it back, no way”. “Fine”, said the Wells Fargo man, “you explain to the market how you used all this tax payer money to buy a dog like Wachovia. You’ll be the most despised company on the street, and we will take full advantage of your greed with our marketing”. “Next thing you know we will be buying you”, the hot shot Wells Fargo man was on a roll. “I’d like to talk with my friends from Wachovia for a moment alone if you don’t mine”, said the Wells Fargo man while Citibank was cooling down. “That’s fine with me”, said the Fed man, motioning to the Citibank contingency to follow him out side the conference room and into a lounge area where he intended to get a drink.
After the Fed and the Citibank group were gone the Wells Fargo man took over. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of them but I think you are going to like this deal. If you guys just play along with us I know you will be a lot happier with our deal that with the Citibank deal”. “How can it make any difference to us, we’re busted and gone no matter what”, the second in command for Wachovia said. “Yea, I knew that subprime stuff was going to get somebody, I just didn’t think it would be us”. “Listen you idiots”, the Wells Fargo man said loudly, “if you’ll quit feeling sorry for yourselves for just a minute I’ll make your day. We’ve got some really good tax lawyers in California and they have figured this thing out so we can all get right and really screw the government”. The Wachovia contingent perked up some and leaned in to hear what sounded too good to be true. “Our guys got Treasury to set up a new regulation in the IRS Code, that will let Wells Fargo take 100% of your loss if we acquire 100% of your company”. “The hell you say”, gushed one of the Wachovia men. “You mean you can pay for us with the same money you would be paying in taxes anyway”. “Damn right”, said Wells Fargo, “and by buying the whole company we have to honor all the employment contracts you have with the old company, golden parachutes and all”. “There is a God”, said the first Wachovia man able to speak.
The rest of the story is history, Citibank whined and cried for a bit but finally gave in and let the deal go forward. No one from the government raised any objections since they were so happy that one of the top 5 banks had been saved. The only ones that should have complained were the taxpayers and there was no one to speak for them.
When will someone, someday simply say enough is enough. When will someone with a conscious simply say this is not sound or even fair and refuse to take advantage of the ordinary taxpayers? It’s time for someone to call Bull$$$$ on the obv
Thursday, November 6, 2008
'BAILOUT EXTENDED'
I’ve just had another, ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ moment. I read in my morning paper where the White House was pleading with the Banks that have received the ‘Bail-Out Bucks’ in the Bail-Out giveaway show to start making loans with the money they received. I thought that’s what they were getting the giveaway ‘Bucks’ for in the first place. The same paper carried an article about how some of the recipient banks were now paying dividends to their stockholders out of these proceeds. This whole deal stinks and was nothing more than welfare for the rich. When this money is finally loaned, I guarantee it will go to some fat cats that have a statement just this side of Warren Buffet and most of the poor folks who are on the line to the government for their part of the Bail-Out plan will not ‘qualify’ for enough cash to buy an extra tank of gas.
If congress really wants to help the people most affected by this recession then I have a couple of suggestions. First, how about limiting the amount of interest the banks can charge the average ‘Joe’ on a credit card to 15%. Just a few years ago 15% would have been unheard of, but now it seems like it is the equivalent of finding gas at $2.25 per gallon. Poor folks out there today are getting slapped with 24% to 28% and the banks can’t get enough of this easy money. Next Congress could outlaw the $35 fee charged whenever an average customer goes over the credit limit established when he answered that unsolicited mailer offering him the great card with the low ‘introductory interest’. Every transaction is approved on the spot now so why not just deny the charge at the point of purchase if the credit limit is exceeded. The $35 fee is as close to being criminal as one can get. If I walked into one of a bank’s branches and pointed a carrot at a teller while passing a note demanding cash to avoid being shot by the carrot then took $35 from her at carrot point I’d be arrested and sent to jail. Again only the working stiffs are the ones with this problem. The people who qualify for the loans from the banks participating in the Bailout have credit limits they never exceed or have agreements with the banks to cover any such emergency situation. At least reduce to amount to a reasonable $5.00 per month should such overage occur. The next stimulus step would be to prohibit the banks from charging the $35 on every insufficient fund check that comes through the bank. Only the average Joe’s pay these robbery class fees. Bounce the check or pay it but don’t charge the poor writer any more than the amount of the check with a limit of $10 per check. Give the poor customer a break; they are the ones funding your Bailout.
Another point I think needs to be made. If I’m going to be a part of this new consortium that pulls the nations banks financial statements out of the fire I want to sit in some of those skyboxes they all have at the various sports stadiums around the country. Why should the big shots who got them into trouble in the first place be the ones sitting up there drinking all the good whiskey and eating the ribs? I want to be chauffeured to the stadium in a stretch limo and whisked by the common folks standing in line to get to their end zone seats on the third row. After all, who is paying for those boxes? The bank was broke before Congress gave them my money to stay open, I should get some of the benefits.
Alas, I know I am dreaming. It is the poor folks like me that is suppose to take care of those at the top. I think that is one reason we have had so much trouble with integration in this country. It was hard for all us white people to realize that the majority of us had become the slaves and we had always believed the color of our skin protected us from that fate. Really the gap just keeps getting wider and wider. It takes more and more people to support the lifestyles of the few selected ones at the top. That is why the rich elect a Congress to protect them in tough times. Every few years the working folks just have to come up with a little more to pay those salaries and dividends and it is easier for a Congress to take it than it would be for the elite to just force the issue. Every now and then someone will break out and move into the skyboxes but it becoming more and more a rarity. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I still have color HD DIRECTV and a Big Green Egg.
If congress really wants to help the people most affected by this recession then I have a couple of suggestions. First, how about limiting the amount of interest the banks can charge the average ‘Joe’ on a credit card to 15%. Just a few years ago 15% would have been unheard of, but now it seems like it is the equivalent of finding gas at $2.25 per gallon. Poor folks out there today are getting slapped with 24% to 28% and the banks can’t get enough of this easy money. Next Congress could outlaw the $35 fee charged whenever an average customer goes over the credit limit established when he answered that unsolicited mailer offering him the great card with the low ‘introductory interest’. Every transaction is approved on the spot now so why not just deny the charge at the point of purchase if the credit limit is exceeded. The $35 fee is as close to being criminal as one can get. If I walked into one of a bank’s branches and pointed a carrot at a teller while passing a note demanding cash to avoid being shot by the carrot then took $35 from her at carrot point I’d be arrested and sent to jail. Again only the working stiffs are the ones with this problem. The people who qualify for the loans from the banks participating in the Bailout have credit limits they never exceed or have agreements with the banks to cover any such emergency situation. At least reduce to amount to a reasonable $5.00 per month should such overage occur. The next stimulus step would be to prohibit the banks from charging the $35 on every insufficient fund check that comes through the bank. Only the average Joe’s pay these robbery class fees. Bounce the check or pay it but don’t charge the poor writer any more than the amount of the check with a limit of $10 per check. Give the poor customer a break; they are the ones funding your Bailout.
Another point I think needs to be made. If I’m going to be a part of this new consortium that pulls the nations banks financial statements out of the fire I want to sit in some of those skyboxes they all have at the various sports stadiums around the country. Why should the big shots who got them into trouble in the first place be the ones sitting up there drinking all the good whiskey and eating the ribs? I want to be chauffeured to the stadium in a stretch limo and whisked by the common folks standing in line to get to their end zone seats on the third row. After all, who is paying for those boxes? The bank was broke before Congress gave them my money to stay open, I should get some of the benefits.
Alas, I know I am dreaming. It is the poor folks like me that is suppose to take care of those at the top. I think that is one reason we have had so much trouble with integration in this country. It was hard for all us white people to realize that the majority of us had become the slaves and we had always believed the color of our skin protected us from that fate. Really the gap just keeps getting wider and wider. It takes more and more people to support the lifestyles of the few selected ones at the top. That is why the rich elect a Congress to protect them in tough times. Every few years the working folks just have to come up with a little more to pay those salaries and dividends and it is easier for a Congress to take it than it would be for the elite to just force the issue. Every now and then someone will break out and move into the skyboxes but it becoming more and more a rarity. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I still have color HD DIRECTV and a Big Green Egg.
'Joe the Plumber'
It’s Saturday, three days until what many are saying is the most important Presidential election in our lifetime, and John McCain just announced that ‘Joe the Plumber’ is his hero and he’s taking him to Washington. Now my question is, has this entire nation gone mad or is it just John McCain? McCain is a man who has served this country since he was 17 years old in one form or another. Here is a man who from birth, being the son and grandson of Admirals, a member of Congress for 26 years, and husband to the only woman richer than Oprah, has walked in the most rarified air this country has to offer. Now this nominee of the Grand Old Party is falling in love with the guy that dropped out of High School to pursue a career unclogging commodes with a plumber’s snake.
Everyone had a ‘Joe the Plumber’ in their class until he dropped out before the 11th grade or when he reached 16 years of age, whichever came first. It did not take long, usually by the 4th grade, for everyone to realize our ‘Joe’ was not going to need any advanced classes or college prep work. In my class there were two or three ‘Joe’s’ and I think I remember all three wanted to drive a truck. More than once one of the ‘Joe’s’ got me to thinking pretty hard about the cool life awaiting me if I had the nerve to join them for a life on the road. Fortunately for me I was afraid of my parents would kill me if I mentioned dropping out of school to pursue a truck stop life behind the wheel of an eighteen-wheeler. I have no idea whatever became of my ‘Joe’s’ but I know every class had some and I hope they are as happy as they planned to be during those early days of their limited formal education.
I guess if you live the sheltered life of an Admiral’s son you really don’t meet many ‘Joe’s’. While John McCain had a bad five years in Hanoi, the rest of his life has been pretty structured and privileged. He probably doesn’t realize the woods are full of guys like his newfound hero. There are some traits in a guy like ‘Joe’ that are attractive at first blush. ‘Joe’s’ learned early to talk loud about the obvious. He is usually a quick study and can often be heard telling everyone around him how formal education is not all it’s cracked up to be and how fortunate he is since he went to the school of hard knocks and how he is conversant in just about any subject. The problem with this ‘Joe’ and most of the other ‘Joe’s’ is that the school of hard knocks degree and the brash talk run thin pretty quick. The press took fifteen minutes to find out that ‘Joe’ was not a plumber, ‘Joe’ was not about to buy a plumbing business, and ‘Joe’ in fact was behind on taxes he owed in the past. ‘Joe’ did not say anything about ‘spreading the wealth’, which McCain has jumped on so fast. ‘Joe’, if he were here in the south would be described as simply a ‘loud mouth dumb ass’.
Now my next question is what is McCain going to do with ‘Joe’ when he gets him to Washington. The candidate for the highest office in the land gets absolutely giddy when he talks about ‘Joe’. This amazes me, the dumb ass completely missed one campaign stop where poor old McCain was expecting him and caused the old man to stand on stage, behind a lectern and literally call ‘Joe’ for several minutes. For the potential President of the United States of America to be calling in vain for a ‘dumb ass’ days before the election of a lifetime is scary proposition.
The experts and the candidates keep telling us this election is about judgment. I to think this office more than any other must be about judgment for many reasons. If judgment is the issue then Senator John McCain has got a serious problem. His judgment in choosing Marge Gunderson as his Vice-Presidential running mate and now his judgment in picking dumb ass ‘Joe the Plumber’ as a member of his inter circle move me to wonder if Mrs. McCain needs a long term assisted living program through her beer distributorship in place for John.
Why is this thing even close???
Everyone had a ‘Joe the Plumber’ in their class until he dropped out before the 11th grade or when he reached 16 years of age, whichever came first. It did not take long, usually by the 4th grade, for everyone to realize our ‘Joe’ was not going to need any advanced classes or college prep work. In my class there were two or three ‘Joe’s’ and I think I remember all three wanted to drive a truck. More than once one of the ‘Joe’s’ got me to thinking pretty hard about the cool life awaiting me if I had the nerve to join them for a life on the road. Fortunately for me I was afraid of my parents would kill me if I mentioned dropping out of school to pursue a truck stop life behind the wheel of an eighteen-wheeler. I have no idea whatever became of my ‘Joe’s’ but I know every class had some and I hope they are as happy as they planned to be during those early days of their limited formal education.
I guess if you live the sheltered life of an Admiral’s son you really don’t meet many ‘Joe’s’. While John McCain had a bad five years in Hanoi, the rest of his life has been pretty structured and privileged. He probably doesn’t realize the woods are full of guys like his newfound hero. There are some traits in a guy like ‘Joe’ that are attractive at first blush. ‘Joe’s’ learned early to talk loud about the obvious. He is usually a quick study and can often be heard telling everyone around him how formal education is not all it’s cracked up to be and how fortunate he is since he went to the school of hard knocks and how he is conversant in just about any subject. The problem with this ‘Joe’ and most of the other ‘Joe’s’ is that the school of hard knocks degree and the brash talk run thin pretty quick. The press took fifteen minutes to find out that ‘Joe’ was not a plumber, ‘Joe’ was not about to buy a plumbing business, and ‘Joe’ in fact was behind on taxes he owed in the past. ‘Joe’ did not say anything about ‘spreading the wealth’, which McCain has jumped on so fast. ‘Joe’, if he were here in the south would be described as simply a ‘loud mouth dumb ass’.
Now my next question is what is McCain going to do with ‘Joe’ when he gets him to Washington. The candidate for the highest office in the land gets absolutely giddy when he talks about ‘Joe’. This amazes me, the dumb ass completely missed one campaign stop where poor old McCain was expecting him and caused the old man to stand on stage, behind a lectern and literally call ‘Joe’ for several minutes. For the potential President of the United States of America to be calling in vain for a ‘dumb ass’ days before the election of a lifetime is scary proposition.
The experts and the candidates keep telling us this election is about judgment. I to think this office more than any other must be about judgment for many reasons. If judgment is the issue then Senator John McCain has got a serious problem. His judgment in choosing Marge Gunderson as his Vice-Presidential running mate and now his judgment in picking dumb ass ‘Joe the Plumber’ as a member of his inter circle move me to wonder if Mrs. McCain needs a long term assisted living program through her beer distributorship in place for John.
Why is this thing even close???
Hannity and Limbaugh's World is Gone
When it comes to the election of Barack Obama not everybody seems to get it. While millions of people around the world celebrated the election of Mr. Obama on Tuesday, a few continue to seem totally lost as to what made this election so different and special. Obama should be appreciated more for the manner in which he ran his campaign than for the fact that he is the first black to be elected President in this nation that still leads the free world. This history making campaign in unique in that for nearly two years its focus was on the issues as opposed to the trivia and non consequential. It was June of ’08 before Mr. Obama and his campaign managers bent to the pressures of his party to even answer the negative attacks by his opponent and even then did the Obama campaign counter the onslaught of attack ads running against him. Through Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, the Muslim connection and attacks on a supposedly un-American wife the Obama campaign kept talking about the economy, national defense, tax relief for the middle class and health care for the nation. The American voters were paying attention and listening. The decided early that this election was going to be about more than personal attacks and the minutia, that the future of life as we know it was far too important to allow the election of our leader to not be about substantive matters.
Those who fail to get it this time will probably never get it. I switched over last night, the night after election day just to see what Sean Hannity was saying one day removed from Obama’s big win. There in prime time, the day after what many consider to be a benchmark election in our nations history, was mega conservative T.V. star and talk show host Hannity with special guest ‘Joe the Plumber’. ‘Joe the Plumber’, unshaven, wearing what appeared to be a dirty T-shirt, was explaining how President-elect Obama was unpatriotic, un-American and totally unfit to be President. What Hannity and those like him fail to understand is that this nation for at least a fleeting moment has grown beyond the gimmicks and flash card sound bytes of the old Lee Atwater/Carl Rove politics. As an electorate we’ve seen our better angels and we know electing our officials can be done in a much better way. Hannity was pitiful in his obvious efforts to lead poor old Joe into saying whatever Hannity thought sounded good. Joe on the other hand looked and sounded like he was just coming off a day long drunk and would have followed any lead Hannity offered. Probably the best part was when Joe assured Hannity that he had done research on just what un-American and unpatriotic meant by looking them up in the Webster’s Dictionary earlier and was confident Obama met all the requirements.
Hopefully Sean it is not all about tricks and gimmicks any more. The Hannitys, the Limbaughs and the other leaders of the far right can now go peacefully back under the rocks from whence they came. The United States has experienced the light of legitimate campaigning and hopefully it will be far too painful to slide back into the dark and negative world of ‘Joe the Plumbers’.
Those who fail to get it this time will probably never get it. I switched over last night, the night after election day just to see what Sean Hannity was saying one day removed from Obama’s big win. There in prime time, the day after what many consider to be a benchmark election in our nations history, was mega conservative T.V. star and talk show host Hannity with special guest ‘Joe the Plumber’. ‘Joe the Plumber’, unshaven, wearing what appeared to be a dirty T-shirt, was explaining how President-elect Obama was unpatriotic, un-American and totally unfit to be President. What Hannity and those like him fail to understand is that this nation for at least a fleeting moment has grown beyond the gimmicks and flash card sound bytes of the old Lee Atwater/Carl Rove politics. As an electorate we’ve seen our better angels and we know electing our officials can be done in a much better way. Hannity was pitiful in his obvious efforts to lead poor old Joe into saying whatever Hannity thought sounded good. Joe on the other hand looked and sounded like he was just coming off a day long drunk and would have followed any lead Hannity offered. Probably the best part was when Joe assured Hannity that he had done research on just what un-American and unpatriotic meant by looking them up in the Webster’s Dictionary earlier and was confident Obama met all the requirements.
Hopefully Sean it is not all about tricks and gimmicks any more. The Hannitys, the Limbaughs and the other leaders of the far right can now go peacefully back under the rocks from whence they came. The United States has experienced the light of legitimate campaigning and hopefully it will be far too painful to slide back into the dark and negative world of ‘Joe the Plumbers’.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Election made in Heaven (Election Land)
Few people have any idea how this 2008 presidential race came about. It all started in a never-never land where politicians go when they die. Politicians are a lot like flies, God never quite figured out why he made them in the first place and did not know what to do with them after they departed this life. In all politicians there is always some good and then there is always some bad so they were not really candidates for either heaven or hell. To solve the dilemma God created Election Land, a place where for six months out of the year the dearly departed pols suffered in hell like conditions and longed for their days on Capitol Hill. The other six months of the year they enjoyed life in a world that resembled Augusta National. During this time they enjoyed beautiful golf courses, luxurious homes, the finest of food and drink and the company of other politicians, many of whom they had known and worked with while on earth.
On one particularly beautiful day in the Spring of 2005, four old friends had gotten together on the finest of the golf courses in Election Land. John Kennedy, Tip O’Neill, Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford. Richard Nixon had beg to play and even showed up on the first tee, but even in Election Land the citizens have scruples, and the first four knew there was no way any of them would ever trust ‘Dicky Boy’ in even a $2.00 match. The four all shot even par as was always the case in Election Land and retired to the club house to have a drink and discuss events taking place on the earth. As one might expect the talk quickly turned to the election that would take place in 2008 and soon the lines were drawn between the republicans and the democrats. Reagan and Ford quickly pointed out the GOP was in their opinion a lock to retake the White House. The country was still scared of their shadow and the Repubs could always sell their ability to protect them. Kennedy and O’Neill had other ideas. “No party ever gets a third term”, Kennedy stated, and besides “Bush and Cheney have just about driven everyone crazy with all their stupid moves”, he said winking at Tip and sipping his drink. “Why don’t we put a little wager on this thing and talk King David, the ruler of Election Land, into letting us run this election from here,” former President Ford suggested. “Do you think he’ll let us”, Reagan ask, “we can try, and maybe it will get us out of the hell part for a couple of years”, Kennedy replied.
As soon as the four had finished their drinks they eased out of the clubhouse, still keeping an eye out for Nixon and went straight to King David’s office over in the Election Land Administration Building. David was not busy at this particular time and his secretary, Ann Richards, show them in for their visit. “What’s up boys,” he asks as soon as everybody got seated. “We’ve got a little proposition we’d like to discuss with you”, Reagan said as they got settled. “There’s an election coming up in our old country in a couple of years and we’ve made a little bet on who will win”, Kennedy began. “Yes and we’d like to get your permission to let us manipulate it from here to see whose really still got the most savvy in politics”, JFK continued. “That’s never been done and I don’t know what the Man Upstairs would think about first letting you do this and second what he’d think about the four of you messing with the children he has left on the earth in the United States”, King David replied. “Well,” Tip began, “we would promise we’d get two guys that would wear each other out over who’s the best Christian, and would do their best to run down any of those other people who don’t believe in the Big Guy”. “That’s right”, said Reagan, “who ever we pick would give all those from the Axis of Evil hell and we’d really promote the Big Guy no matter who we pick”. The five argued and discussed this proposition for a couple of hours before finally convincing David to let them go ahead. “We’ll also need to stay out of the Hell part of being here for at least until after the election”, Kennedy said as they begin to leave. “I don’t know about that”, King David said and grew a worried look across his face. “When this place was set up God made it pretty clear that you guys had to pay for your sins by spending six months in Hell each year”, David seem genuinely concerned. “Just talk with Him and tell him we will be driving and scaring millions of folks to him over the course of this election and he will reap the benefits from whatever we do”, Gerald Ford who had not said much before replied to David. “I’ll talk to him about it and let you know pretty soon David told the group and closed the door behind them.
David brought the proposition up during the next staff meeting and told God he thought it was something that would keep the morale up in Election Land. The rest of the inhabitants had heard about the challenge and all of them were getting excited about it and were already talking about starting a betting pool and watching the outcome. The only one in all of Election Land that was against it was Nixon and he was just mad because the four had agreed to no dirty tricks and he did not think that made for a fair election. After a few minutes of deliberation the Lord agreed, simply saying that it might be fun to watch and to tell the boys to get it on.
Kennedy, O’Neill, Ford and Reagan sat down to lay out the ground rules and discuss just what would be fair to everyone concerned. Ford and Reagan were supremely over confident and Kennedy was quick pick up on it from the start. “Well you know you’ve got a tremendous advantage” JFK was setting them up. “You are the incumbents and there is that threat of war everyone is worried about”, Kennedy was showing his smarts. “Well yea,” replied Reagan, “our folks are going to remember me while your folks are going to need to get over ‘Oval Office Bill’ and the ‘Peanut Man’ to ever even get back to remembering you, and most people are dead that were there when you were in office”, Reagan said with a chuckle. “Tell you what we’ll do”, Reagan went on. Reagan had fallen for JFK’s set-up, “to make it fair we will pick a 73 year old man that has had cancer twice, finished last in his class in college, dumped one wife for a rich trophy wife and don’t know a Shiite from a good grade of peanut butter”, Reagan knew John McCain was who he was planning to push. “That’s fair, but still you have a too much of an advantage what with the incumbency and the way things are going,” replied Tip. “Well, who would you pick, let’s see if we can cut you any more slack,” said Ford. Kennedy had been watching a kid he thought reminded him of himself since the last Democratic convention. The kid was black but smart as a whip and most importantly to Kennedy had gone to Harvard. “We’ll do this”, said Kennedy, “we’ll pick a black guy that is just now going into the Senate for the first time and we will make him our choice, if you will spot us the Vice-President”. “You’re going for that skinny kid from Chicago that gave the speech last year at your convention”, Ford remember the young man but could not pronounce his name. “You would actually pick a black guy”, Reagan had no idea who they were talking about. “If you’ll do that we could pick Ronald McDonald for our V.P and beat you worse than LBJ beat Goldwater,” Reagan said while trying to control his laughter. “You’ve got to give us the V.P.”, said Tip, beginning to worry about JFK’s choice for President. “No problem,” replied Ford, “we’ll let you choose for us”, Ford was now actually laughing. “Just let us describe the pick for you, you actually make the call”, Kennedy said. Ford and Reagan could not control themselves. “Go ahead”, Ford said, “if you’re running a black man we’ll take ‘Otis’ from Mayberry and kick you ass”.
Kennedy and O’Neill thought about it overnight and by morning had their requirements for the Republican pick. The four met the next morning at the Panera Bread Store for coffee and bagels and to finalize their bets. “Here’s what we want”, started Kennedy, “we want you to pick a woman, she needs to have a degree in a useless field, from some small state school that took her at least five years to complete. We want her to be married to a guy that looks like ‘Ralph Crampton’ from the ‘Honeymooner’s’, never wears a tie or went to college, we want her to have a house full of kids and one of the girls must be knocked-up by an 18 year old high school dropout, and she can’t have any experience in foreign affairs or have ever traveled outside the U.S. more that twice. Oh yea, we want her to talk like Marge Gunderson from the movie ‘Fargo’.” Both Reagan and Ford where so cocky about the black candidate the Democrats had chosen that they agreed. “I don’t even know if that person exist”, said Reagan, “but if she does we’ll get her and you’ve got a bet”. Neither of the Republicans had even ask about the Democrats choice for V.P. Finally, Ford, who had a soft spot in his heart for V.P.’s queried the Democrats about who their nominee would be. “We’re going with Joe Biden”, Tip said, “a good old Eastern liberal, but honest man. He’s been around for a while and will help the kid in some of those blue-collar states where they might be afraid of the black man.
The tickets complete, the four finally had to decide on the amount of the wager. “How about the losers agree to caddy for the winners the first round after the election,” Tip offered. “Fine by me,” replied Ford, “and the winners will buy the drinks.”
That my friend is how this match-up came about. There is no other way to explain the four people running to either lead the free world or to be one heart beat away from leading it. I think the Big Guy played with the Stock Market just to mess with them.
On one particularly beautiful day in the Spring of 2005, four old friends had gotten together on the finest of the golf courses in Election Land. John Kennedy, Tip O’Neill, Ronald Reagan and Gerald Ford. Richard Nixon had beg to play and even showed up on the first tee, but even in Election Land the citizens have scruples, and the first four knew there was no way any of them would ever trust ‘Dicky Boy’ in even a $2.00 match. The four all shot even par as was always the case in Election Land and retired to the club house to have a drink and discuss events taking place on the earth. As one might expect the talk quickly turned to the election that would take place in 2008 and soon the lines were drawn between the republicans and the democrats. Reagan and Ford quickly pointed out the GOP was in their opinion a lock to retake the White House. The country was still scared of their shadow and the Repubs could always sell their ability to protect them. Kennedy and O’Neill had other ideas. “No party ever gets a third term”, Kennedy stated, and besides “Bush and Cheney have just about driven everyone crazy with all their stupid moves”, he said winking at Tip and sipping his drink. “Why don’t we put a little wager on this thing and talk King David, the ruler of Election Land, into letting us run this election from here,” former President Ford suggested. “Do you think he’ll let us”, Reagan ask, “we can try, and maybe it will get us out of the hell part for a couple of years”, Kennedy replied.
As soon as the four had finished their drinks they eased out of the clubhouse, still keeping an eye out for Nixon and went straight to King David’s office over in the Election Land Administration Building. David was not busy at this particular time and his secretary, Ann Richards, show them in for their visit. “What’s up boys,” he asks as soon as everybody got seated. “We’ve got a little proposition we’d like to discuss with you”, Reagan said as they got settled. “There’s an election coming up in our old country in a couple of years and we’ve made a little bet on who will win”, Kennedy began. “Yes and we’d like to get your permission to let us manipulate it from here to see whose really still got the most savvy in politics”, JFK continued. “That’s never been done and I don’t know what the Man Upstairs would think about first letting you do this and second what he’d think about the four of you messing with the children he has left on the earth in the United States”, King David replied. “Well,” Tip began, “we would promise we’d get two guys that would wear each other out over who’s the best Christian, and would do their best to run down any of those other people who don’t believe in the Big Guy”. “That’s right”, said Reagan, “who ever we pick would give all those from the Axis of Evil hell and we’d really promote the Big Guy no matter who we pick”. The five argued and discussed this proposition for a couple of hours before finally convincing David to let them go ahead. “We’ll also need to stay out of the Hell part of being here for at least until after the election”, Kennedy said as they begin to leave. “I don’t know about that”, King David said and grew a worried look across his face. “When this place was set up God made it pretty clear that you guys had to pay for your sins by spending six months in Hell each year”, David seem genuinely concerned. “Just talk with Him and tell him we will be driving and scaring millions of folks to him over the course of this election and he will reap the benefits from whatever we do”, Gerald Ford who had not said much before replied to David. “I’ll talk to him about it and let you know pretty soon David told the group and closed the door behind them.
David brought the proposition up during the next staff meeting and told God he thought it was something that would keep the morale up in Election Land. The rest of the inhabitants had heard about the challenge and all of them were getting excited about it and were already talking about starting a betting pool and watching the outcome. The only one in all of Election Land that was against it was Nixon and he was just mad because the four had agreed to no dirty tricks and he did not think that made for a fair election. After a few minutes of deliberation the Lord agreed, simply saying that it might be fun to watch and to tell the boys to get it on.
Kennedy, O’Neill, Ford and Reagan sat down to lay out the ground rules and discuss just what would be fair to everyone concerned. Ford and Reagan were supremely over confident and Kennedy was quick pick up on it from the start. “Well you know you’ve got a tremendous advantage” JFK was setting them up. “You are the incumbents and there is that threat of war everyone is worried about”, Kennedy was showing his smarts. “Well yea,” replied Reagan, “our folks are going to remember me while your folks are going to need to get over ‘Oval Office Bill’ and the ‘Peanut Man’ to ever even get back to remembering you, and most people are dead that were there when you were in office”, Reagan said with a chuckle. “Tell you what we’ll do”, Reagan went on. Reagan had fallen for JFK’s set-up, “to make it fair we will pick a 73 year old man that has had cancer twice, finished last in his class in college, dumped one wife for a rich trophy wife and don’t know a Shiite from a good grade of peanut butter”, Reagan knew John McCain was who he was planning to push. “That’s fair, but still you have a too much of an advantage what with the incumbency and the way things are going,” replied Tip. “Well, who would you pick, let’s see if we can cut you any more slack,” said Ford. Kennedy had been watching a kid he thought reminded him of himself since the last Democratic convention. The kid was black but smart as a whip and most importantly to Kennedy had gone to Harvard. “We’ll do this”, said Kennedy, “we’ll pick a black guy that is just now going into the Senate for the first time and we will make him our choice, if you will spot us the Vice-President”. “You’re going for that skinny kid from Chicago that gave the speech last year at your convention”, Ford remember the young man but could not pronounce his name. “You would actually pick a black guy”, Reagan had no idea who they were talking about. “If you’ll do that we could pick Ronald McDonald for our V.P and beat you worse than LBJ beat Goldwater,” Reagan said while trying to control his laughter. “You’ve got to give us the V.P.”, said Tip, beginning to worry about JFK’s choice for President. “No problem,” replied Ford, “we’ll let you choose for us”, Ford was now actually laughing. “Just let us describe the pick for you, you actually make the call”, Kennedy said. Ford and Reagan could not control themselves. “Go ahead”, Ford said, “if you’re running a black man we’ll take ‘Otis’ from Mayberry and kick you ass”.
Kennedy and O’Neill thought about it overnight and by morning had their requirements for the Republican pick. The four met the next morning at the Panera Bread Store for coffee and bagels and to finalize their bets. “Here’s what we want”, started Kennedy, “we want you to pick a woman, she needs to have a degree in a useless field, from some small state school that took her at least five years to complete. We want her to be married to a guy that looks like ‘Ralph Crampton’ from the ‘Honeymooner’s’, never wears a tie or went to college, we want her to have a house full of kids and one of the girls must be knocked-up by an 18 year old high school dropout, and she can’t have any experience in foreign affairs or have ever traveled outside the U.S. more that twice. Oh yea, we want her to talk like Marge Gunderson from the movie ‘Fargo’.” Both Reagan and Ford where so cocky about the black candidate the Democrats had chosen that they agreed. “I don’t even know if that person exist”, said Reagan, “but if she does we’ll get her and you’ve got a bet”. Neither of the Republicans had even ask about the Democrats choice for V.P. Finally, Ford, who had a soft spot in his heart for V.P.’s queried the Democrats about who their nominee would be. “We’re going with Joe Biden”, Tip said, “a good old Eastern liberal, but honest man. He’s been around for a while and will help the kid in some of those blue-collar states where they might be afraid of the black man.
The tickets complete, the four finally had to decide on the amount of the wager. “How about the losers agree to caddy for the winners the first round after the election,” Tip offered. “Fine by me,” replied Ford, “and the winners will buy the drinks.”
That my friend is how this match-up came about. There is no other way to explain the four people running to either lead the free world or to be one heart beat away from leading it. I think the Big Guy played with the Stock Market just to mess with them.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
$300,000,000 ISN'T MUCH BETWEEN FRIENDS
The cat that delivered the next day’s newspaper to the dude on television several years ago has just picked my house to make a new home. I could not believe it when I first noticed it a couple of weeks ago and is it great. The cat has really improved its tricks since being cancelled from that old series by CBS. The newspaper it now delivers is for the news 9 months from today but I know its going to work out great for me as soon as the time comes. I’m already looking at several new stocks to gather before my information becomes timely. Unlike the rest of you I know who will win the Super Bowl and the NCAA March Madness. I’m going to make a killing just because this cat likes my house better than any other in the world.
I’ve got to admit I generally go directly to the business and sports pages since the cat started delivering, but something caught my eye this morning that I could not resist. As I took the paper out of its plastic bag, something it never had on the T.V. series, a story on the front page caught my eye. In a simple two column story on the front page I noticed where President John McCain’s three hundred million dollar ($300,000,000.00) had been awarded for bringing a ‘Super Battery’ to market. The story told of how this battery could power an average midsized automobile for up to 100 miles or for three hours with only a thirty-minute charge from a 110 outlet. The story went further to say that in larger vehicles such as SUV’s and pick-ups the doubling of the battery pack could get at least another 50 miles or 1 hour of travel. This battery, the story went on, would lead to total independence from foreign oil within a year or two and was ready for mass production. President McCain was pictured plugging a new General Motors Impala into a wall socket on one of the porches of the White House while Mrs. McCain sat under the wheel wearing her Budweiser windbreaker and waving to the camera. Senator Lieberman stood beside President McCain holding one of those big golf tournament checks that showed $300,000,000.00 in the amount block and handwritten in on the line under the box. Everybody had a big smile on their face and I was really surprised to see former President Bush, his wife, his daddy and his mama standing near the front part of the car with several others I did not recognize.
After seeing this life-changing picture I had to read the story. President McCain was quoted as saying that he knew the right incentive would do the trick. That American ingenuity would prevail with the right stimulus. He went on to praise the winner of this world-class competition and praise the executives of the winning company for all their hard work and dedication to this project. The real surprise came when I figured out just who the payee of the giant check was. It was really blurred in the picture but in the article President McCain gave plenty of praise to the winner. It seems that the winning company was a joint venture firm put together by some old and very dear friends. Halliburton and Exxon had started a new company call ‘Get’em Again, Inc.’. They had actually only been working on this project since President McCain made the promise of the reward during the campaign in June of ’08. Damn, I thought, that was this week.
I just heard the old coot offer this bounty the day before yesterday and now nine months later the prize was being claimed. The article went on to say further subsidies and tax incentives would be necessary to bring the new company up to full production but that the President felt confident Congress was on board to help this new start-up get whatever it needed to change the way we got our energy in this county. President McCain made the point that we as Americans should not expect the new company to finance the production of this new battery, “after all” he said, “the three hundred million was just to invent the battery, not to make it and we need to stand tall for them in this hour of need”.
The CEO of the new company, former Vice President Dick Cheney, was not in the picture but was quoted in the article as saying that while the new battery would not make our energy any less expensive, he felt sure that we would no longer be dependent on the Middle East for our energy needs. Of course he expressed his surprise at how fast the battery had been developed but gave a tremendous amount of credit to policies of the former administration. Someone had been quoted in the article as saying, “only in America”.
I’ve got to admit I generally go directly to the business and sports pages since the cat started delivering, but something caught my eye this morning that I could not resist. As I took the paper out of its plastic bag, something it never had on the T.V. series, a story on the front page caught my eye. In a simple two column story on the front page I noticed where President John McCain’s three hundred million dollar ($300,000,000.00) had been awarded for bringing a ‘Super Battery’ to market. The story told of how this battery could power an average midsized automobile for up to 100 miles or for three hours with only a thirty-minute charge from a 110 outlet. The story went further to say that in larger vehicles such as SUV’s and pick-ups the doubling of the battery pack could get at least another 50 miles or 1 hour of travel. This battery, the story went on, would lead to total independence from foreign oil within a year or two and was ready for mass production. President McCain was pictured plugging a new General Motors Impala into a wall socket on one of the porches of the White House while Mrs. McCain sat under the wheel wearing her Budweiser windbreaker and waving to the camera. Senator Lieberman stood beside President McCain holding one of those big golf tournament checks that showed $300,000,000.00 in the amount block and handwritten in on the line under the box. Everybody had a big smile on their face and I was really surprised to see former President Bush, his wife, his daddy and his mama standing near the front part of the car with several others I did not recognize.
After seeing this life-changing picture I had to read the story. President McCain was quoted as saying that he knew the right incentive would do the trick. That American ingenuity would prevail with the right stimulus. He went on to praise the winner of this world-class competition and praise the executives of the winning company for all their hard work and dedication to this project. The real surprise came when I figured out just who the payee of the giant check was. It was really blurred in the picture but in the article President McCain gave plenty of praise to the winner. It seems that the winning company was a joint venture firm put together by some old and very dear friends. Halliburton and Exxon had started a new company call ‘Get’em Again, Inc.’. They had actually only been working on this project since President McCain made the promise of the reward during the campaign in June of ’08. Damn, I thought, that was this week.
I just heard the old coot offer this bounty the day before yesterday and now nine months later the prize was being claimed. The article went on to say further subsidies and tax incentives would be necessary to bring the new company up to full production but that the President felt confident Congress was on board to help this new start-up get whatever it needed to change the way we got our energy in this county. President McCain made the point that we as Americans should not expect the new company to finance the production of this new battery, “after all” he said, “the three hundred million was just to invent the battery, not to make it and we need to stand tall for them in this hour of need”.
The CEO of the new company, former Vice President Dick Cheney, was not in the picture but was quoted in the article as saying that while the new battery would not make our energy any less expensive, he felt sure that we would no longer be dependent on the Middle East for our energy needs. Of course he expressed his surprise at how fast the battery had been developed but gave a tremendous amount of credit to policies of the former administration. Someone had been quoted in the article as saying, “only in America”.
Friday, June 20, 2008
"STUPID PEOPLE"
“The trouble is that the stupid people -- who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations -- do believe and are molded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper”.
A lot of years ago Mark Twain was credited with this quote that has received some degree of notoriety. Ole Mark lived in an era without a 24-hour news cycle made possible by cable television and the Internet. He did not even have the opportunity to opine on 24-hour internet transmitted radio or the gazillion bloggers who for free can disseminate their personal views and insights in some form of print or airwave forum. This proliferation of self important election garbage is really causing a problem for the ‘stupid people’ Mark was fond of calling to our attention for only believing the newspaper.
In today’s world anyone with a cable connection or satellite dish can fill every waking hour with ‘news’ from some talking head with an impressive and confidence inspiring set in a studio far away. The viewers, once they find their comfort zone channel, rarely question anything that comes from the professionally designed set and perfectly coiffed and smartly dressed commentator. Regardless of the source; Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC or any other, the viewer takes every word as the absolute truth. Somehow we expect to be sufficiently educated about the issues facing our nation by watching one sixty minute broadcast a day. The 'stupid persons’ opinions are constantly reinforced throughout the day by a barrage of e-mail ‘info spots’ or cartoons, that are never identified as to their source or credibility, that flood in after numerous forwarding, from friends who think just as the ‘stupid person’ receiving the supposedly funny truth.
We’re going to elect the leader of the free world based on television, sound bites and internet cartoons we receive from sources with an agenda. Does this really make sense? Why are we so conditioned to only receiving our information from a source we feel comfortable with? Why are we so opposed to sitting though and listening to the opposition for even a short time, trying to hear and understand what they are saying without starting with a preformed idea that whatever they say is stupid, totally wrong and unworthy of our attention.
Maybe it was better when the two candidates traveled the countryside and debated in every town, just the two of them face to face. At least in that day the electorate got to see what both sides represented and stood for. I really should not make my selection on what either Oberman, Limbaugh or Hannity believe but rather on what I decide from my own observations and beliefs about what is best for this country.
I really don’t want to be like ole Mark’s ‘stupid people’. This country is far too great for my generation to screw it up because we are too damn lazy to take the time to really find out what everyone is about. Technology should be enhancing our ability to learn what all the candidates are really about and where they stand, instead it is only giving me a place to hear what I think I want to hear.
I hear you Mark, I just don’t know how to make it better.
A lot of years ago Mark Twain was credited with this quote that has received some degree of notoriety. Ole Mark lived in an era without a 24-hour news cycle made possible by cable television and the Internet. He did not even have the opportunity to opine on 24-hour internet transmitted radio or the gazillion bloggers who for free can disseminate their personal views and insights in some form of print or airwave forum. This proliferation of self important election garbage is really causing a problem for the ‘stupid people’ Mark was fond of calling to our attention for only believing the newspaper.
In today’s world anyone with a cable connection or satellite dish can fill every waking hour with ‘news’ from some talking head with an impressive and confidence inspiring set in a studio far away. The viewers, once they find their comfort zone channel, rarely question anything that comes from the professionally designed set and perfectly coiffed and smartly dressed commentator. Regardless of the source; Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC or any other, the viewer takes every word as the absolute truth. Somehow we expect to be sufficiently educated about the issues facing our nation by watching one sixty minute broadcast a day. The 'stupid persons’ opinions are constantly reinforced throughout the day by a barrage of e-mail ‘info spots’ or cartoons, that are never identified as to their source or credibility, that flood in after numerous forwarding, from friends who think just as the ‘stupid person’ receiving the supposedly funny truth.
We’re going to elect the leader of the free world based on television, sound bites and internet cartoons we receive from sources with an agenda. Does this really make sense? Why are we so conditioned to only receiving our information from a source we feel comfortable with? Why are we so opposed to sitting though and listening to the opposition for even a short time, trying to hear and understand what they are saying without starting with a preformed idea that whatever they say is stupid, totally wrong and unworthy of our attention.
Maybe it was better when the two candidates traveled the countryside and debated in every town, just the two of them face to face. At least in that day the electorate got to see what both sides represented and stood for. I really should not make my selection on what either Oberman, Limbaugh or Hannity believe but rather on what I decide from my own observations and beliefs about what is best for this country.
I really don’t want to be like ole Mark’s ‘stupid people’. This country is far too great for my generation to screw it up because we are too damn lazy to take the time to really find out what everyone is about. Technology should be enhancing our ability to learn what all the candidates are really about and where they stand, instead it is only giving me a place to hear what I think I want to hear.
I hear you Mark, I just don’t know how to make it better.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
STUPID E-MAILS
Jack Norman’s response to a Republican friend that sent one of the countless e-mails telling how bad the Democrats are in this election year. This probably will not make much difference or change his mind but it this kind of stuff that is tearing this country apart.
Response:
Greg, your smarter than this. This is the kind of Carl Rove fear baiting that is dividing this country so bad today. I am a Democrat and I probably feel the same way on about 99% of the issues that face us today that you do. There has never been a Republican or a Democrat that is 100% right or wrong. Both Nixon and Clinton did a lot of good things and some bad things. We have got to get back to listening to both sides and not just looking at everything as good vs. evil. Both parties have got to represented by statesmen not party hacks if we are going to become the great country we can be. This partisan crap is killing us. I only respond to the people I know can understand what I'm trying to say. There are unfortunately too many that had rather take the easy way and simply allow someone in a national party headquarters to tell him or her what they should think and whom they should be afraid of. You are too smart for that.
Norman
p.s. I'm going to add my views on the points contained in your e-mail. I have not done it yet and am anxious to see how close my views on these items are to yours.
How to be a Good Democrat
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
I do not support abortion on demand. I do believe in the case of adversely affecting the health of the child or the mother or in the case of rape or incest.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
No, I do not believe this and have never heard any sane person that does.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
I believe in guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens. There is no relationship between the right for citizens to own guns and the threat of nuclear weapons in the hands of the Chinese and North Koreans. By the way, I'm against China and North Korea having nuclear capabilities.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
No I believe there was art long before and there will be art long after any Federal funding. I do believe that art helps to reflect the soul of a nation and if properly prioritized some funding is in the national interest.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
I believe you have to take the political agendas from all sides out of this equation and rely on pure science. I think it is stupid to ignore what's happening but important that the results not be shaped by either tree huggers or automobile makers and fossil fuel companies.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
I don't believe in the gender roles that Americans believed in 50 years ago. If that were the case your daughters would only be taking home ec classes and cheerleading instead of getting highly skilled and professional educations. I don't believe homosexual lifestyles are natural but I'm not privy to the final word on what makes them that way. I don't want them filling sensitive roles in our government, schools or religions. I also don't like murders, liars, rapist or robbers.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
Does this statement even deserve an answer? If anyone I know or happened to be related to contracted AIDS from any source I know I would want the best possible treatment for them that was available. AIDS are a fact of life. If we as a nation are going to support research into cures for diseases that affect our people then AIDS research should be considered.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
I do not believe this at all. If the parents in our nation are going to cede the responsibility for raising our youth to the state then someone damn well better train them but I don't believe just anyone with a teacher's certificate can do it.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
Another statement that no one believes but that really makes the other side look stupid to someone reading this mess.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
Strongly disagree.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
I believe this is the most significant film I have ever seen as it relates to my spiritual life. I believe it was made for the message it conveys and I believe God inspired it much like the books of the Bible. The message is powerful.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
I believe the struggle of the NRA is a great example of what makes this country great. I personally believe in the 2nd Amendment rights and the NRA efforts to protect them.
I also while disagreeing with many of the ACLU stances on many issues I believe that this country's constitution is strong enough to demand periodic examination and testing from time to time. The ACLU has its place and there are times when we need to be held accountable.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
Another broad stupid statement that appeals to our fears
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
What a load of crap. Think about this and tell me if you think the strongest Democrat you've ever known believes this. I do believe the women are important, we needed to examine our thinking on women’s place in our country when they came along.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
I don't agree with anything in this statement. I do believe that every person in this country is entitled to an equal opportunity. That is what has made us strong in the past.
It is the work we do before anyone gets to the testing stage that is important. Racial quotas and set-asides should not even be in the picture at this point in our history.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
I totally disagree. I agree with the Priest that preached at Obama's old church.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
This again is crap, a broad statement that no one agrees with but really makes Democrats sound bad.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
If the conservative or liberal is telling a lie that will get us into a war and cost us over 4000 lives of young men and women and trillions of dollars, then yes he should go to jail. If any person is a sex offender they should be in jail.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
I believe in free speech to the point that it becomes harmful to the majority of our citizens. I really don't think it is the Governments place to spread my religion to the masses. I am responsible for telling the story and message of my religion. It is our diversity that has always made us strong. Christianity is our responsibility to spread.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
No and I don't and I don't believe that Republican funding by the Saudi Royal family, big business and special interest is good for this country.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
No, just fear baiting political hacks.
22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
How stupid can this get? I'm sure Jimmy Carter is your example here.
23 You have got to believe that a one-term senator from Illinois, a Muslim, that refuses to salute our American Flag or hold his hand over his heart and say the Pledge, can make things better in America.
I think you ought to listen to him, study his life and background, read his position on the issues and not rely on some hack with a computer terminal to tell you what kind of man 18,000,000 people have voted for in the primaries.
24. You have to refuse to vote in November.
Where did this gem come from? Did they just exhaust their thinking capabilities?
Response:
Greg, your smarter than this. This is the kind of Carl Rove fear baiting that is dividing this country so bad today. I am a Democrat and I probably feel the same way on about 99% of the issues that face us today that you do. There has never been a Republican or a Democrat that is 100% right or wrong. Both Nixon and Clinton did a lot of good things and some bad things. We have got to get back to listening to both sides and not just looking at everything as good vs. evil. Both parties have got to represented by statesmen not party hacks if we are going to become the great country we can be. This partisan crap is killing us. I only respond to the people I know can understand what I'm trying to say. There are unfortunately too many that had rather take the easy way and simply allow someone in a national party headquarters to tell him or her what they should think and whom they should be afraid of. You are too smart for that.
Norman
p.s. I'm going to add my views on the points contained in your e-mail. I have not done it yet and am anxious to see how close my views on these items are to yours.
How to be a Good Democrat
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
I do not support abortion on demand. I do believe in the case of adversely affecting the health of the child or the mother or in the case of rape or incest.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
No, I do not believe this and have never heard any sane person that does.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
I believe in guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens. There is no relationship between the right for citizens to own guns and the threat of nuclear weapons in the hands of the Chinese and North Koreans. By the way, I'm against China and North Korea having nuclear capabilities.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
No I believe there was art long before and there will be art long after any Federal funding. I do believe that art helps to reflect the soul of a nation and if properly prioritized some funding is in the national interest.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
I believe you have to take the political agendas from all sides out of this equation and rely on pure science. I think it is stupid to ignore what's happening but important that the results not be shaped by either tree huggers or automobile makers and fossil fuel companies.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
I don't believe in the gender roles that Americans believed in 50 years ago. If that were the case your daughters would only be taking home ec classes and cheerleading instead of getting highly skilled and professional educations. I don't believe homosexual lifestyles are natural but I'm not privy to the final word on what makes them that way. I don't want them filling sensitive roles in our government, schools or religions. I also don't like murders, liars, rapist or robbers.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
Does this statement even deserve an answer? If anyone I know or happened to be related to contracted AIDS from any source I know I would want the best possible treatment for them that was available. AIDS are a fact of life. If we as a nation are going to support research into cures for diseases that affect our people then AIDS research should be considered.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
I do not believe this at all. If the parents in our nation are going to cede the responsibility for raising our youth to the state then someone damn well better train them but I don't believe just anyone with a teacher's certificate can do it.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
Another statement that no one believes but that really makes the other side look stupid to someone reading this mess.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
Strongly disagree.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
I believe this is the most significant film I have ever seen as it relates to my spiritual life. I believe it was made for the message it conveys and I believe God inspired it much like the books of the Bible. The message is powerful.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
I believe the struggle of the NRA is a great example of what makes this country great. I personally believe in the 2nd Amendment rights and the NRA efforts to protect them.
I also while disagreeing with many of the ACLU stances on many issues I believe that this country's constitution is strong enough to demand periodic examination and testing from time to time. The ACLU has its place and there are times when we need to be held accountable.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
Another broad stupid statement that appeals to our fears
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
What a load of crap. Think about this and tell me if you think the strongest Democrat you've ever known believes this. I do believe the women are important, we needed to examine our thinking on women’s place in our country when they came along.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
I don't agree with anything in this statement. I do believe that every person in this country is entitled to an equal opportunity. That is what has made us strong in the past.
It is the work we do before anyone gets to the testing stage that is important. Racial quotas and set-asides should not even be in the picture at this point in our history.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
I totally disagree. I agree with the Priest that preached at Obama's old church.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
This again is crap, a broad statement that no one agrees with but really makes Democrats sound bad.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
If the conservative or liberal is telling a lie that will get us into a war and cost us over 4000 lives of young men and women and trillions of dollars, then yes he should go to jail. If any person is a sex offender they should be in jail.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
I believe in free speech to the point that it becomes harmful to the majority of our citizens. I really don't think it is the Governments place to spread my religion to the masses. I am responsible for telling the story and message of my religion. It is our diversity that has always made us strong. Christianity is our responsibility to spread.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
No and I don't and I don't believe that Republican funding by the Saudi Royal family, big business and special interest is good for this country.
21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.
No, just fear baiting political hacks.
22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day ..........but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
How stupid can this get? I'm sure Jimmy Carter is your example here.
23 You have got to believe that a one-term senator from Illinois, a Muslim, that refuses to salute our American Flag or hold his hand over his heart and say the Pledge, can make things better in America.
I think you ought to listen to him, study his life and background, read his position on the issues and not rely on some hack with a computer terminal to tell you what kind of man 18,000,000 people have voted for in the primaries.
24. You have to refuse to vote in November.
Where did this gem come from? Did they just exhaust their thinking capabilities?
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
'NO NCAA' LOSES AGAIN
What a beautiful day has dawned here in the River City. The primary season that started just after the first of the year three years ago has finally come to an end. Obama outlasted Hillary and McCain is still flailing around out there trying to smile on queue and explain how he’s not like W. While Obama had 20,000 screaming supporters stirred into a frenzy resembling a Jimmy Buffet concert, John was torturing a couple of thousand at the Kenner Nursing Home with his timeless impersonation of ‘Plastic Man’. He was still trying to follow the teleprompter’s instructions to smile when he made a point. This Republican son and grandson of Navy admirals has a hard time identifying with working people and it shows.
Other races that ended last night failed to draw much attention. Take the Democratic race to elect the senatorial candidate here in Alabama. Vivian Figures, a good-looking African American lady from Mobile eked out a pretty sizeable victory over my favorite candidate of the season, Mark “No NCAA” Townsend. I guess I favored old ‘No NCAA’ since we are from the same hometown. I was a big supporter of ‘No NCAA’ several years ago when he ran for governor and barely lost that election according to his web site. Of course many of you don’t recognize that these two candidates were one in the same since the last time he ran as Mark ‘rodeo clown’ Townsend. I guess either the line of work or the cause has changed since that first statewide race and misidentification is probably the only reason he failed to capture this year’s nomination.
If ‘No NCAA’ could have simply found a way to drive more readers to his web site I’m confident this year’s election would have turned out much differently. I will be looking to see if the web design company that created this year’s site wins any awards for their efforts on ‘No NCAA’s’ behalf. The site, http://sessionsisasissy.com, is a must view for anyone interested in politics. ‘No NCAA’ and his P.R. firm have set the standard for years to come on laser focused political advertising. In eight short pages I think you will gain great insight into just what makes this man tick. ‘No NCAA’ sets out who he is, where he’s coming from and what he plans to do. Not ever forgetting the insiders and people who got him to where he is today, ‘No NCAA’ takes great care in introducing us to his campaign manager, a man who popped popcorn for the Haleyville Lions football team for 25 years before being unfairly released, and numerous others from his family and campaign team. “Rodeo Clown’, no I mean ‘No NCAA’ goes into great depth to explain exactly how big government and big business have tainted the NCAA and its process. Until I read this web site I had no idea that Vice-President Dick Cheney or his former company Halliburton controlled the NCAA or even cared about it’s inner workings. ‘No NCAA’ lays it out in plain and simple language where anyone can see and understand. He even offers proof Cheney was behind his campaign manager’s loosing his job as the popcorn maker at the Haleyville ballgames. He certainly shows how the U.S. Government was behind the conspiracy to deny Auburn University a national championship in 2004. This stuff needs to be addressed and now with ‘No NCAA’s’ defeat I fear it will all be swept under the big rug in Washington.
This web site also gives one insight into ‘No NCAA’s’ softer side. If your reading this or you went to the web site you’d probably think ‘No NCAA’ was just another big old tough guy running for office, but if you did you would be so wrong. ‘No NCAA’ has even done the research to prove that all these conspiracies go much deeper. He offers irrefutable evidence that the wrongs suffered at the hand of the NCAA, Dick Cheney and the military industrial complex extend to the bands and cheerleaders as well. No stone was left unturned in ‘No NCAA’s’ quest for the truth.
I will not sit idly by the next time this man runs. I am writing ‘No NCAA’ today to offer my help in his next campaign. My first suggestion will be to run the next time as Mark ‘TheTruth.com’ Townsend. We start now, covering the state by displaying the new web site address, ‘TheTruth.com’ in every ‘Subway’ restaurant bathroom in the state. Handwritten messages in bathrooms are never removed and reach millions of voters over the years. We take the same ‘sessionsisasissy.com’ content and put it under the new address and simply change to whatever office ‘TheTruth.com’ decides to run for. Since there are now 9500 Subway’s in just this state alone we will have the state covered whenever ‘No NCAA’ is ready to go. Just like the old popcorn popper/campaign manager knows so well, “there is always next year”.
Other races that ended last night failed to draw much attention. Take the Democratic race to elect the senatorial candidate here in Alabama. Vivian Figures, a good-looking African American lady from Mobile eked out a pretty sizeable victory over my favorite candidate of the season, Mark “No NCAA” Townsend. I guess I favored old ‘No NCAA’ since we are from the same hometown. I was a big supporter of ‘No NCAA’ several years ago when he ran for governor and barely lost that election according to his web site. Of course many of you don’t recognize that these two candidates were one in the same since the last time he ran as Mark ‘rodeo clown’ Townsend. I guess either the line of work or the cause has changed since that first statewide race and misidentification is probably the only reason he failed to capture this year’s nomination.
If ‘No NCAA’ could have simply found a way to drive more readers to his web site I’m confident this year’s election would have turned out much differently. I will be looking to see if the web design company that created this year’s site wins any awards for their efforts on ‘No NCAA’s’ behalf. The site, http://sessionsisasissy.com, is a must view for anyone interested in politics. ‘No NCAA’ and his P.R. firm have set the standard for years to come on laser focused political advertising. In eight short pages I think you will gain great insight into just what makes this man tick. ‘No NCAA’ sets out who he is, where he’s coming from and what he plans to do. Not ever forgetting the insiders and people who got him to where he is today, ‘No NCAA’ takes great care in introducing us to his campaign manager, a man who popped popcorn for the Haleyville Lions football team for 25 years before being unfairly released, and numerous others from his family and campaign team. “Rodeo Clown’, no I mean ‘No NCAA’ goes into great depth to explain exactly how big government and big business have tainted the NCAA and its process. Until I read this web site I had no idea that Vice-President Dick Cheney or his former company Halliburton controlled the NCAA or even cared about it’s inner workings. ‘No NCAA’ lays it out in plain and simple language where anyone can see and understand. He even offers proof Cheney was behind his campaign manager’s loosing his job as the popcorn maker at the Haleyville ballgames. He certainly shows how the U.S. Government was behind the conspiracy to deny Auburn University a national championship in 2004. This stuff needs to be addressed and now with ‘No NCAA’s’ defeat I fear it will all be swept under the big rug in Washington.
This web site also gives one insight into ‘No NCAA’s’ softer side. If your reading this or you went to the web site you’d probably think ‘No NCAA’ was just another big old tough guy running for office, but if you did you would be so wrong. ‘No NCAA’ has even done the research to prove that all these conspiracies go much deeper. He offers irrefutable evidence that the wrongs suffered at the hand of the NCAA, Dick Cheney and the military industrial complex extend to the bands and cheerleaders as well. No stone was left unturned in ‘No NCAA’s’ quest for the truth.
I will not sit idly by the next time this man runs. I am writing ‘No NCAA’ today to offer my help in his next campaign. My first suggestion will be to run the next time as Mark ‘TheTruth.com’ Townsend. We start now, covering the state by displaying the new web site address, ‘TheTruth.com’ in every ‘Subway’ restaurant bathroom in the state. Handwritten messages in bathrooms are never removed and reach millions of voters over the years. We take the same ‘sessionsisasissy.com’ content and put it under the new address and simply change to whatever office ‘TheTruth.com’ decides to run for. Since there are now 9500 Subway’s in just this state alone we will have the state covered whenever ‘No NCAA’ is ready to go. Just like the old popcorn popper/campaign manager knows so well, “there is always next year”.
Friday, May 30, 2008
WHERE'S JIMMY STEWART?
I guess next to college football I love politics as much as anything in the entertainment world. I can’t wait for the election cycles to roll around every two years and for things to get rolling. Having watched and studied this great American past-time for over 60 years I am beginning to have some questions about how we choose our leaders. For all these years I have just taken for granted that we try to choose leaders who will solve the problems that face us as a city, county, state or nation. I assumed the people we elect actually convene in their respective seats of power and address the problems of the times and handle the peoples business with the main focus being problem solving. I know I’m far from the sharpest knife in the drawer but I think I have finally discovered I have been wrong about this process all along. We don’t elect people to solve the problems; we elect them to identify the problem and to point it out to us on a frequent basis.
How many years have politicians pointed out the same problems that just continue to plague year after year. I know that long before Dr. Blake and Dr. Wilson closed their little hospitals in Haleyville where I grew up, politicians were telling us that we had a crisis in health care in the country. Jack Kelly ran for the state House of Representatives back in the 50’s talking about health care. Jack got elected and the only change in health care was that the State started paying for old folks to stay in nursing homes, one of which Jack owned. Every politician since ‘Uncle’ Ben Dodd has talked about crime being the downfall of our country but more people are being robbed and killed today than ever before. We’re not electing people to solve the problems, we are electing folks who figure out what we are the most afraid of and identify it to our conscious minds. Now this stuff is getting pretty deep for me but I'm on a roll so just hang with me.
Since the mid 70’s we have had a problem with foreign oil production. Every politician since Richard Nixon has raved on and on since those first long lines at the gas pumps about how we must free ourselves from the control of the Middle East. Has anyone done anything about the problem? At $4.00 per gallon I don’t think so. Do we continue to send the same or exact replicas back to office time after time? I think so.
We have got to take another approach to the way we elect our officials. In the House of Representatives we get a fresh shot every two years. If we send someone to Washington and we don’t see some change or at least read about or see our man nightly on the national news jumping up and down on the capital steps raising cane about the congress not doing anything then we should bring him or her home the next time the office is open for election. The same thing is true with our Senators. If the one we elect doesn’t draw some national attention for pulling a Jimmy Stewart (‘Mr. Smith Goes to Washington’) at least once a year fighting for real change and not to simply be a popular Senator we should furnish him a ticket home and let him go back to whatever he was doing before we elected him.
We don’t need this bunch running home two or three times a year, holding Town Meetings and telling us what all is wrong. If you took you car into a dealership’s service department and came back in three days only to hear that the transmission was bad and needed to be fixed you wouldn’t take that, so why do we continue to put us with the crap we get from our politicians.
Some famous French King or Queen once made the comment that all the royal family needed to do was to “feed them cake” when dealing with the people. Getting a new water line or some sewage treatment, or even a new football field, is not solving the real problems we face. We can hire someone to point out the problems, we need someone to fix those problems. A man or woman can stay in Montgomery or Washington forever the way it is now by just passing through every now and then and telling us what’s wrong and they are working on it, this isn’t rocket science. My Dad used to tell me that a person can just sharpen his ax for so long then he’s got to cut some wood. These monkeys have been sharpening long enough. Even a fat man like me can eat cake for just so long. Let’s find us some Mr. Smiths' and send them to Washington. The Press will try to make us believe they are ‘nuts’, but sometimes it takes a lot of ‘nuts’ to make a good pie.
Where is Jimmy Stewart when we need him? He stopped them from building that dam on the Boy Scouts campground.
How many years have politicians pointed out the same problems that just continue to plague year after year. I know that long before Dr. Blake and Dr. Wilson closed their little hospitals in Haleyville where I grew up, politicians were telling us that we had a crisis in health care in the country. Jack Kelly ran for the state House of Representatives back in the 50’s talking about health care. Jack got elected and the only change in health care was that the State started paying for old folks to stay in nursing homes, one of which Jack owned. Every politician since ‘Uncle’ Ben Dodd has talked about crime being the downfall of our country but more people are being robbed and killed today than ever before. We’re not electing people to solve the problems, we are electing folks who figure out what we are the most afraid of and identify it to our conscious minds. Now this stuff is getting pretty deep for me but I'm on a roll so just hang with me.
Since the mid 70’s we have had a problem with foreign oil production. Every politician since Richard Nixon has raved on and on since those first long lines at the gas pumps about how we must free ourselves from the control of the Middle East. Has anyone done anything about the problem? At $4.00 per gallon I don’t think so. Do we continue to send the same or exact replicas back to office time after time? I think so.
We have got to take another approach to the way we elect our officials. In the House of Representatives we get a fresh shot every two years. If we send someone to Washington and we don’t see some change or at least read about or see our man nightly on the national news jumping up and down on the capital steps raising cane about the congress not doing anything then we should bring him or her home the next time the office is open for election. The same thing is true with our Senators. If the one we elect doesn’t draw some national attention for pulling a Jimmy Stewart (‘Mr. Smith Goes to Washington’) at least once a year fighting for real change and not to simply be a popular Senator we should furnish him a ticket home and let him go back to whatever he was doing before we elected him.
We don’t need this bunch running home two or three times a year, holding Town Meetings and telling us what all is wrong. If you took you car into a dealership’s service department and came back in three days only to hear that the transmission was bad and needed to be fixed you wouldn’t take that, so why do we continue to put us with the crap we get from our politicians.
Some famous French King or Queen once made the comment that all the royal family needed to do was to “feed them cake” when dealing with the people. Getting a new water line or some sewage treatment, or even a new football field, is not solving the real problems we face. We can hire someone to point out the problems, we need someone to fix those problems. A man or woman can stay in Montgomery or Washington forever the way it is now by just passing through every now and then and telling us what’s wrong and they are working on it, this isn’t rocket science. My Dad used to tell me that a person can just sharpen his ax for so long then he’s got to cut some wood. These monkeys have been sharpening long enough. Even a fat man like me can eat cake for just so long. Let’s find us some Mr. Smiths' and send them to Washington. The Press will try to make us believe they are ‘nuts’, but sometimes it takes a lot of ‘nuts’ to make a good pie.
Where is Jimmy Stewart when we need him? He stopped them from building that dam on the Boy Scouts campground.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
E-MAIL SCAMS
Over the weekend I conducted an experiment that convinced me to quit feeling guilty about deleting e-mails that asked me to forward the contents to friends in my contacts. I received an e-mail early Friday containing that very request. The e-mail had some nice poetry that pointed out a ‘house did not make a home, money did not make me rich’ and ‘puppies were just little bundles of love’ (all with the appropriate artwork). I was instructed to forward within 1 hour the correspondence contained to at least 20 close friends and relatives and that within 72 hours I would experience a windfall of good luck.
With regrets I picked 20 people that were either very close to me or that I did not care if I upset or looked like an idiot to. I even explained in my forwarding that I was sorry for the inconvenience but that I needed a load of good luck like a dead man needs a coffin and the recipients just needed to suck it up and take it this one last time. I was determined to monitor the results this time since I always have tended to forget to follow up in the past when I got and sent this type of garbage. Well now the results are in and I want to report my findings.
I played three rounds of golf in the following 72 hours and lost $2.50 the first round, $7.00 the second round and $18.50 the third round. It was a long holiday weekend and my wife Patsy suffered through the entire 3 days with a severe case of poison ivy. I tried to cook some pork chops on my green egg that turned out worse than the charcoal I used if I had elected to eat my cooking fuel. I did not see one grandchild except for my grandson Wallace and that for only 5 minutes. The strange little red light I had never seen started blinking on my truck while driving the block and a half from the golf course to my house added to the misery. I sent 20 of these damn e-mails and that’s my windfall of luck for the 72 hours of bliss I was promised. I have had better luck when I forwarded naked pictures of Oprah during the heavy years.
Not only was my luck stinking, I infected everyone around me with bad luck. Poor ole Patsy suffered all weekend with her poison ivy. George Faison, one of my golfing partners, played golf like ‘Gomer Pyle’ on Saturday and Monday when he played with me and shot a great 78 on Sunday playing on a strange course that he drove 100 miles to play. I turned my ‘A’ player into a twelve handicapper and I putted worse than my 9-month-old grandson. To top it off there was an article in the local paper telling about how my spiritual leader and Sunday School teacher had opened a bar with her husband. The paper even had a picture of her brazened above the centerfold standing in front of 15 wine bottles like she was a taster at Ernest and Julio’s guesthouse.
The e-mail thing does not work. All you are doing is sending along some nice poetry and pretty pictures to someone that probably does not have time to waste scrolling through the mess. I would feel better if I had sent something that was at least original. The drivel I sent had been around for years. Most of what it said was true but nothing new, a lot like all the political speeches we are hearing now. Maybe someone told Hillary that if she passed what she’s saying along she would have good luck. It didn’t work for me and it doesn’t look like it’s going to work for her.
In spite of all this I’m not discouraged. I just got an e-mail that tells me there is a guy in India holding $10,000,000 for me that was left after some bank got their numbers mixed up on some of their accounts. All I’ve got to do is respond to a Mr. Dr. Henue at ‘henue.WorldwideBank@yahoo.com’ and as soon as I send $750 to cover some immediate tax requirements they will transfer the $10,000,000 to my account. Now this is something I can rely on, not luck but just good fortune. I should have this wrapped up in a few days and then I’ll tell you about ‘good luck’.
With regrets I picked 20 people that were either very close to me or that I did not care if I upset or looked like an idiot to. I even explained in my forwarding that I was sorry for the inconvenience but that I needed a load of good luck like a dead man needs a coffin and the recipients just needed to suck it up and take it this one last time. I was determined to monitor the results this time since I always have tended to forget to follow up in the past when I got and sent this type of garbage. Well now the results are in and I want to report my findings.
I played three rounds of golf in the following 72 hours and lost $2.50 the first round, $7.00 the second round and $18.50 the third round. It was a long holiday weekend and my wife Patsy suffered through the entire 3 days with a severe case of poison ivy. I tried to cook some pork chops on my green egg that turned out worse than the charcoal I used if I had elected to eat my cooking fuel. I did not see one grandchild except for my grandson Wallace and that for only 5 minutes. The strange little red light I had never seen started blinking on my truck while driving the block and a half from the golf course to my house added to the misery. I sent 20 of these damn e-mails and that’s my windfall of luck for the 72 hours of bliss I was promised. I have had better luck when I forwarded naked pictures of Oprah during the heavy years.
Not only was my luck stinking, I infected everyone around me with bad luck. Poor ole Patsy suffered all weekend with her poison ivy. George Faison, one of my golfing partners, played golf like ‘Gomer Pyle’ on Saturday and Monday when he played with me and shot a great 78 on Sunday playing on a strange course that he drove 100 miles to play. I turned my ‘A’ player into a twelve handicapper and I putted worse than my 9-month-old grandson. To top it off there was an article in the local paper telling about how my spiritual leader and Sunday School teacher had opened a bar with her husband. The paper even had a picture of her brazened above the centerfold standing in front of 15 wine bottles like she was a taster at Ernest and Julio’s guesthouse.
The e-mail thing does not work. All you are doing is sending along some nice poetry and pretty pictures to someone that probably does not have time to waste scrolling through the mess. I would feel better if I had sent something that was at least original. The drivel I sent had been around for years. Most of what it said was true but nothing new, a lot like all the political speeches we are hearing now. Maybe someone told Hillary that if she passed what she’s saying along she would have good luck. It didn’t work for me and it doesn’t look like it’s going to work for her.
In spite of all this I’m not discouraged. I just got an e-mail that tells me there is a guy in India holding $10,000,000 for me that was left after some bank got their numbers mixed up on some of their accounts. All I’ve got to do is respond to a Mr. Dr. Henue at ‘henue.WorldwideBank@yahoo.com’ and as soon as I send $750 to cover some immediate tax requirements they will transfer the $10,000,000 to my account. Now this is something I can rely on, not luck but just good fortune. I should have this wrapped up in a few days and then I’ll tell you about ‘good luck’.
Friday, May 23, 2008
GIVE'EM HELL HARRY
I’ve really been thinking about all that transpired on President Bush’s trip to the desert lands last week. There he was, our answer to a 50’s style hero like John Wayne or Randolph Scott, standing before the Knesset assuring them of the United States protection of their land. I’m sure they all slept so much better that night. This is the same guy that turned several sleeping dogs into a raging pack of meat eaters all around the small Jewish state. This is the same guy that with the help of his faithful sidekick, ‘Halliburton Dick’, agitated and just generally pissed off the entire world surrounding Israel. Now he was assuring everyone wearing a yarmulke and worshiping on Saturday night of how he was going to protect them. Israel and the United States would have been better off electing Jack Black and Adam Sandler four years ago instead of these two. One is the son who could not get a job (Ronald Reagan’s words not mine) and the other is the illegitimate son of Darth Vader.
Where W. really missed it was during his visit to Saudi Arabia. The news media reported that during is visit with the royal family George, the leader of the free world, while kneeling before the King, pleaded for an increase in the production of oil by the Royal family. The King, after spitting grape seeds toward the royal goat, told George that after seeking the wisdom of his spiritual leader he had to decline any increase at this time. Going further he admitted he had a bet with one of his brothers that he could get the price of oil to $150 per barrel before July 4th and that beating his brother out of $1 was something he really enjoyed doing.
Now here’s where we really have a breakdown in leadership. I can just see this King, living with his family in a twenty billion dollar compound telling Harry Truman that same bad news. Old Harry, first would have never been kneeling, would have simply asked the King if he could borrow his cell phone for a minute. As soon as the King handed him the phone Harry would have called (having memorized the number earlier) the commander of our force stationed in Saudi Arabia right there in front of the old King.
“Hello Gen. Schwarzkopf” (now Harry would have known the General was retired but would have used the name to really scare the King) “how long do you think it would take you to get all the boys and equipment packed up to go home?” By this time the King would begin to fidget. Truman would continue, “Yea, I mean to get completely out of this God forsaken place as fast as we can.” It wouldn’t matter what the General was saying on the other end, Truman would just keep saying what he wanted the King to hear. “The King here says they can handle their security themselves from now on and I want to get our boys out of here before we cut the water melons on the 4th.” “You get them packed up as soon as you can and ya’ll call the Air Force to come get you, take everything with you, the King says they can get by just fine without any more of our weapons and material.” Old Harry would end it by saying “When ya’ll get back get your little wife to give Bess a call and ya’ll stop by the White House for supper one day.” With that little Harry Truman would take his leave of the King and head back to the airport for his flight back to Washington. Harry would be half way over the Atlantic before the King could speak. See the King had never thought about speaking Iranian or Syrian and had never made any plans to give up his gold plated Jacuzzi and Rolex for each day of the year. By the time he could pull his robe out of his butt he would be trying to get Harry on his ‘SkyPhone’ to let him know the price of oil was now $15 per barrel and that we could take a 3% discount if we paid within 10 days of delivery.
It’s not all that complicated. Whoever controls those governments is going to drill and sell oil, hell that’s all they got. If Iran overran the Royal family they would have to have a market for the same oil the Royal family was selling. The only place they could sell it would be in China, North America, Europe or India. The consumer always sets the prices in an open market and the Royal family is not doing us any favors, why should we protect them if they don’t protect us.
Damn, Harry was good.
Where W. really missed it was during his visit to Saudi Arabia. The news media reported that during is visit with the royal family George, the leader of the free world, while kneeling before the King, pleaded for an increase in the production of oil by the Royal family. The King, after spitting grape seeds toward the royal goat, told George that after seeking the wisdom of his spiritual leader he had to decline any increase at this time. Going further he admitted he had a bet with one of his brothers that he could get the price of oil to $150 per barrel before July 4th and that beating his brother out of $1 was something he really enjoyed doing.
Now here’s where we really have a breakdown in leadership. I can just see this King, living with his family in a twenty billion dollar compound telling Harry Truman that same bad news. Old Harry, first would have never been kneeling, would have simply asked the King if he could borrow his cell phone for a minute. As soon as the King handed him the phone Harry would have called (having memorized the number earlier) the commander of our force stationed in Saudi Arabia right there in front of the old King.
“Hello Gen. Schwarzkopf” (now Harry would have known the General was retired but would have used the name to really scare the King) “how long do you think it would take you to get all the boys and equipment packed up to go home?” By this time the King would begin to fidget. Truman would continue, “Yea, I mean to get completely out of this God forsaken place as fast as we can.” It wouldn’t matter what the General was saying on the other end, Truman would just keep saying what he wanted the King to hear. “The King here says they can handle their security themselves from now on and I want to get our boys out of here before we cut the water melons on the 4th.” “You get them packed up as soon as you can and ya’ll call the Air Force to come get you, take everything with you, the King says they can get by just fine without any more of our weapons and material.” Old Harry would end it by saying “When ya’ll get back get your little wife to give Bess a call and ya’ll stop by the White House for supper one day.” With that little Harry Truman would take his leave of the King and head back to the airport for his flight back to Washington. Harry would be half way over the Atlantic before the King could speak. See the King had never thought about speaking Iranian or Syrian and had never made any plans to give up his gold plated Jacuzzi and Rolex for each day of the year. By the time he could pull his robe out of his butt he would be trying to get Harry on his ‘SkyPhone’ to let him know the price of oil was now $15 per barrel and that we could take a 3% discount if we paid within 10 days of delivery.
It’s not all that complicated. Whoever controls those governments is going to drill and sell oil, hell that’s all they got. If Iran overran the Royal family they would have to have a market for the same oil the Royal family was selling. The only place they could sell it would be in China, North America, Europe or India. The consumer always sets the prices in an open market and the Royal family is not doing us any favors, why should we protect them if they don’t protect us.
Damn, Harry was good.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
IN THE ARENA
I decided some time during the night to quit criticizing and constantly finding fault in political candidates and to do something about our many problems. For that reason I’m throwing my hat into the ring and running for office. I think the qualifying is still open and I will be in the courthouse today to find out just what I need to do to get this thing going. It’s definitely time to get ‘into the arena’ as my old hero Pat Dye would say.
I think it is important to pay your dues when you first start out in politics and for that reason I’ve decided to run for ‘Notary Public’. I expect to do a good job at this level and in either two or four years move on up the election chain. I’ve noticed that some who hold this office claim to be ‘Notary Public State at Large’, I don’t know the difference but if the qualifying fee is not too much I may just go for the ‘State at Large’ position, it will look better on my campaign literature later when I run for some higher office.
I’m not real sure exactly what a Notary Public does but I do know everyone has to have one from time to time to sign on the bottom of a lot of important papers. I would think there would be an orientation seminar at Gulf Shores (paid for by the State) for all the new Notaries elected in an election cycle. I promise I will certainly attend and learn the ins and outs of my new office any faithfully carry out the duties prescribed by the law.
I think that by getting elected I would have more credibility with the other, higher office officials, and be able to have much more influence on how they conduct themselves. Just knowing that I was now in the game and a potential opponent in the years to come would cause them to fly a little straighter.
I’ve given a lot of thought to my campaign staff and think I have unlimited availability to some great people. My little buddy Jim Page is a political genius. He is in the middle of writing a book based on his years of experience in political campaigns. “Second Place is Relative”, will be on the shelves at bookstores everywhere by the time the election rolls around and just having his name on my literature will be a big plus. I know having Wade Weaver as the campaign’s treasure will be a huge asset. Since Wade is the local ‘Bud’ distributor I know the funds we raised will be well spent when we parlay the donations we collect into some old time rallies fueled by barbeque and Bud Light. The last person on my inner circle will be my longtime spiritual leader, the reverend Ezekiel Cleghorn Ramsey. Brother Zeke has preached at Old Bethel #2 for over 30 years and has baptized over 800 souls in Brushy Creek during that time. His following is scattered over at least three counties and at least that many generations. I know there are no U-Tube clips of his preaching and if I can get him around a beer distributor being in the same room with him much less on the same committee I’ve got it made.
I’m going for the 40 and older, blue collar, beer drinking camel smoking demographic in this campaign. We have a lot more of them in this area than any other group. I firmly believe my looks alone will get me a sizeable slice of the women over fifty and my penchant for good barbeque and Dale Earnhardt Jr. (may his father rest in peace) will pull their husbands into my column.
I think I can raise all the money I’ll need if I can raffle a bass boat during the time we are campaigning. I will sell the raffle tickets at $1.00 apiece based on ½ of the donation received. A person giving $10 to the campaign will get 5 raffle tickets on the boat and my campaign will take the other $5 to pay for the beer, barbeque and gas it takes to get from event to event. There was a great bass boat advertised in the classifieds today for $1500 if you would just move it from the seller’s back yard. If I can borrow a trailer this afternoon I capturing that sucker today.
I closing out now so I can find the trailer I need before it gets too late. I want to be standing down at the intersection of 31 and 67 by 4:30 so I can start waving to everyone on their was home. I hope you will tell someone you know about my race. It takes a lot of nerve to run a statewide race like this and I am going to need all the help I can get.
I think it is important to pay your dues when you first start out in politics and for that reason I’ve decided to run for ‘Notary Public’. I expect to do a good job at this level and in either two or four years move on up the election chain. I’ve noticed that some who hold this office claim to be ‘Notary Public State at Large’, I don’t know the difference but if the qualifying fee is not too much I may just go for the ‘State at Large’ position, it will look better on my campaign literature later when I run for some higher office.
I’m not real sure exactly what a Notary Public does but I do know everyone has to have one from time to time to sign on the bottom of a lot of important papers. I would think there would be an orientation seminar at Gulf Shores (paid for by the State) for all the new Notaries elected in an election cycle. I promise I will certainly attend and learn the ins and outs of my new office any faithfully carry out the duties prescribed by the law.
I think that by getting elected I would have more credibility with the other, higher office officials, and be able to have much more influence on how they conduct themselves. Just knowing that I was now in the game and a potential opponent in the years to come would cause them to fly a little straighter.
I’ve given a lot of thought to my campaign staff and think I have unlimited availability to some great people. My little buddy Jim Page is a political genius. He is in the middle of writing a book based on his years of experience in political campaigns. “Second Place is Relative”, will be on the shelves at bookstores everywhere by the time the election rolls around and just having his name on my literature will be a big plus. I know having Wade Weaver as the campaign’s treasure will be a huge asset. Since Wade is the local ‘Bud’ distributor I know the funds we raised will be well spent when we parlay the donations we collect into some old time rallies fueled by barbeque and Bud Light. The last person on my inner circle will be my longtime spiritual leader, the reverend Ezekiel Cleghorn Ramsey. Brother Zeke has preached at Old Bethel #2 for over 30 years and has baptized over 800 souls in Brushy Creek during that time. His following is scattered over at least three counties and at least that many generations. I know there are no U-Tube clips of his preaching and if I can get him around a beer distributor being in the same room with him much less on the same committee I’ve got it made.
I’m going for the 40 and older, blue collar, beer drinking camel smoking demographic in this campaign. We have a lot more of them in this area than any other group. I firmly believe my looks alone will get me a sizeable slice of the women over fifty and my penchant for good barbeque and Dale Earnhardt Jr. (may his father rest in peace) will pull their husbands into my column.
I think I can raise all the money I’ll need if I can raffle a bass boat during the time we are campaigning. I will sell the raffle tickets at $1.00 apiece based on ½ of the donation received. A person giving $10 to the campaign will get 5 raffle tickets on the boat and my campaign will take the other $5 to pay for the beer, barbeque and gas it takes to get from event to event. There was a great bass boat advertised in the classifieds today for $1500 if you would just move it from the seller’s back yard. If I can borrow a trailer this afternoon I capturing that sucker today.
I closing out now so I can find the trailer I need before it gets too late. I want to be standing down at the intersection of 31 and 67 by 4:30 so I can start waving to everyone on their was home. I hope you will tell someone you know about my race. It takes a lot of nerve to run a statewide race like this and I am going to need all the help I can get.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
REAL GENIUS
REAL GENIUS
Now here’s a real genius and I think I know him or at least some of his family.
“SAVANNAH, Ga. (AP) — Savannah police say a homeless man was electrocuted after apparently trying to steal copper from wires on a utility pole.”
There’s a lot of information in this short statement. First of all you have got to wonder why this guy was homeless in the first place. Here in North Alabama companies are fighting for creative and intelligent workers to man our many high tech industries. A man smart enough to recognize copper wire on a utility pole from the ground and strong enough to climb the pole to get to it could get a job if he really wanted one. I would not know copper wire from a good grade of fishing line if it was lying on the ground and I sure couldn’t get up a pole to steal it. Here you have a man that could do both yet he failed to figure out that if it was copper and strung between two poles on the side of a road that it probably had electricity running through it and might be carrying a pretty good bite.
You’ve got to think this joker had a better plan than to just climb the pole with some wire cutters and a spool to wrap his bounty around when he got it cut. I think it is important to find out just what he was thinking as he climbed that pole. Was he watching all the houses along the road that were serviced by the line to see when everyone turned off their lights for the night? Did he think that if the line were not buzzing that it meant there was no power running through it? He had to have some kind of plan. There is a saying made famous by some motivational speaker and writer that man does not fail “because he plans to fail, he fails because he fails to plan.” This poor guy left a page out of his final plan.
The reason I first said I thought I might know this guy or some of his family is because I’ve known some folks that had almost the same results in some of their efforts. I remember an ole boy I went to school with that was in a class by himself when it came to siphoning gasoline from cars to use in his old ’52 Roadmaster Buick. Billy Ray Newby never bought one gallon of gasoline during the three years he was in the 10th grade (Billy Ray turned 16 and got his license in the 9th grade). Billy Ray carried a garden hose and a five gallon bucket in the back seat of that old Buick just for the purpose of stealing gasoline from cars parked overnight in the local hospital parking lot. Billy Ray would wait until everything had quieted down after around 9:00 and would simply take his pick of the cars in the lot to replenish his tank in the old Buick whenever it would run low. Now this was at a time when gas was .30 a gallon so Billy Ray was only getting about a $1.50 a draw. After nearly three years of this and everyone knowing about Billy Ray’s continuing penchant for larceny, the lone police officer that patrolled out little town from 6:00 in the afternoon until midnight decided to take Billy Ray down. After a couple of weeks of foiling Billy Ray’s efforts, which cost Billy Ray two garden hoses and one five gallon bucket, Billy Ray decided it was time to move his operation to another area outside the patrol of Officer Raybon Hulsey. Billy Ray decided that the rock quarry just outside of town was the perfect place since it was only used at night for late night swimming and romantic getaways. The first few nights Billy Ray found a couple of pick-up trucks left by the quarry crew to be good sources for his gasoline needs. After discovering the loss of gasoline was becoming a problem the management started allowing the workers to drive the pick-ups home instead of leaving them at the quarry. This practice led to Billy Ray’s downfall. With all the pick-ups now gone, Billy Ray decided to just take the gasoline from the Caterpillar tractors left at the site. Like the guy on the utility pole, Billy Ray failed to plan or at least think about what he was about to do. Billy Ray got a longer garden hose and stuffed it into the huge tank on the giant piece of equipment. He began sucking the fuel through the hose using all the sucking power he could summons. It took a little longer to get the fuel to his mouth so I guess he did not know what to expect. With one final and huge suck Billy Ray sucked a flood of diesel fuel into his mouth. The fuel filled his mouth, flushed down the front of his shirt, his pants and all over the front part of his body. Before he could pull the hose away from his mouth blisters where covering inside his mouth, his chin and any part of his body the diesel fuel touched.
Billy Ray could not eat or talk for the next three weeks. He will tell you today that he thought the big machines ran on regular gas and had no idea what he was getting into that night so long ago. I guess it takes more than a ‘plan’; it doesn’t hurt to have a little common sense when you embark on a life of crime.
Now here’s a real genius and I think I know him or at least some of his family.
“SAVANNAH, Ga. (AP) — Savannah police say a homeless man was electrocuted after apparently trying to steal copper from wires on a utility pole.”
There’s a lot of information in this short statement. First of all you have got to wonder why this guy was homeless in the first place. Here in North Alabama companies are fighting for creative and intelligent workers to man our many high tech industries. A man smart enough to recognize copper wire on a utility pole from the ground and strong enough to climb the pole to get to it could get a job if he really wanted one. I would not know copper wire from a good grade of fishing line if it was lying on the ground and I sure couldn’t get up a pole to steal it. Here you have a man that could do both yet he failed to figure out that if it was copper and strung between two poles on the side of a road that it probably had electricity running through it and might be carrying a pretty good bite.
You’ve got to think this joker had a better plan than to just climb the pole with some wire cutters and a spool to wrap his bounty around when he got it cut. I think it is important to find out just what he was thinking as he climbed that pole. Was he watching all the houses along the road that were serviced by the line to see when everyone turned off their lights for the night? Did he think that if the line were not buzzing that it meant there was no power running through it? He had to have some kind of plan. There is a saying made famous by some motivational speaker and writer that man does not fail “because he plans to fail, he fails because he fails to plan.” This poor guy left a page out of his final plan.
The reason I first said I thought I might know this guy or some of his family is because I’ve known some folks that had almost the same results in some of their efforts. I remember an ole boy I went to school with that was in a class by himself when it came to siphoning gasoline from cars to use in his old ’52 Roadmaster Buick. Billy Ray Newby never bought one gallon of gasoline during the three years he was in the 10th grade (Billy Ray turned 16 and got his license in the 9th grade). Billy Ray carried a garden hose and a five gallon bucket in the back seat of that old Buick just for the purpose of stealing gasoline from cars parked overnight in the local hospital parking lot. Billy Ray would wait until everything had quieted down after around 9:00 and would simply take his pick of the cars in the lot to replenish his tank in the old Buick whenever it would run low. Now this was at a time when gas was .30 a gallon so Billy Ray was only getting about a $1.50 a draw. After nearly three years of this and everyone knowing about Billy Ray’s continuing penchant for larceny, the lone police officer that patrolled out little town from 6:00 in the afternoon until midnight decided to take Billy Ray down. After a couple of weeks of foiling Billy Ray’s efforts, which cost Billy Ray two garden hoses and one five gallon bucket, Billy Ray decided it was time to move his operation to another area outside the patrol of Officer Raybon Hulsey. Billy Ray decided that the rock quarry just outside of town was the perfect place since it was only used at night for late night swimming and romantic getaways. The first few nights Billy Ray found a couple of pick-up trucks left by the quarry crew to be good sources for his gasoline needs. After discovering the loss of gasoline was becoming a problem the management started allowing the workers to drive the pick-ups home instead of leaving them at the quarry. This practice led to Billy Ray’s downfall. With all the pick-ups now gone, Billy Ray decided to just take the gasoline from the Caterpillar tractors left at the site. Like the guy on the utility pole, Billy Ray failed to plan or at least think about what he was about to do. Billy Ray got a longer garden hose and stuffed it into the huge tank on the giant piece of equipment. He began sucking the fuel through the hose using all the sucking power he could summons. It took a little longer to get the fuel to his mouth so I guess he did not know what to expect. With one final and huge suck Billy Ray sucked a flood of diesel fuel into his mouth. The fuel filled his mouth, flushed down the front of his shirt, his pants and all over the front part of his body. Before he could pull the hose away from his mouth blisters where covering inside his mouth, his chin and any part of his body the diesel fuel touched.
Billy Ray could not eat or talk for the next three weeks. He will tell you today that he thought the big machines ran on regular gas and had no idea what he was getting into that night so long ago. I guess it takes more than a ‘plan’; it doesn’t hurt to have a little common sense when you embark on a life of crime.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
'IN GOD I TRUST'
I got one of those e-mails today that threatened me with total separation from the human family if I failed to pass it on to everybody in my contact list. I am ashamed to admit it but those things nearly always get my attention. The only ones that I feel safe in ignoring are the ones with pictures of either puppies, kittens or clouds over quotes from some dead person about inner peace or knowing one’s self. The rest, that include pictures of soldiers, flags, little kids or God, I feel compelled to pass along to selected contacts that I don’t mind embarrassing myself with. You easily decide which ones go to your perverted friends and which ones you send to the people in your Sunday school class.
One that came today I quickly closed deciding it posed no real threat to my future well-being and would not cause any bad consequences if I simply deleted it right then and there. As the day went on I kept thinking about the ideas that e-mail contained and its message made more and more sense to me the longer I thought about it. The jest of the message was that if the anti Christians wanted to insist in taking “In God we Trust” off anything related to the government, then the rest of us should simply start using the phrase on any and everything we do. The more I thought about this idea the more sense it seemed to make.
I have never agreed with the Roy Moore thinking that it was the government’s place to spread my religious beliefs to our fellow citizens. I think that is akin to expecting the government to raise our children, care for our old folks and to enforce a system of morality and religion we want to believe in but don’t want the responsibility of perpetuating. That is not the government’s job and Christ taught us that while he was still here.
The idea in the e-mail today was for Christians around the world to tag ourselves as believers by using the ‘In God we Trust’ thought in everything we do. To include the phrase in our signature lines on all our correspondence, on our business cards, in our literature and in all the ways we communicate with others. The more I thought about the impact of this simple effort the more I liked it. Every person that has contact with a person following this discipline would be witnessed to, hopefully many times every day. In doing this a person is not saying that he or she is better than anyone else, more saintly or better than the next guy. They are simply letting everyone he or she knows and deals with daily that they have a God in whom they trust. How many more times would God’s name of be brought to the attention of countless millions of people a day if we all started including this simple statement in some way on everything we did.
The phrase is not offensive. It promotes no church or denomination, it is adaptable and relevant to all religions in the world today, it simply identifies one as a person who trust God. To those who have no use or need for a God it means no more than a person saying ‘I’m a man’ or ‘I’m an American’. To those who do believe or are searching it can be an affirmation of their own belief or an encouragement in that there are others who do believe and are not afraid to proclaim that belief. This movement has the potential to witness to countless people every day and bring them together as believers.
It is past the time for us to depend on government to perpetuate the spirit of our faith. I would have no problem offending anyone this simple statement would offend. If I’m living my faith as I think I should I might even cause someone to become a little bolder in his or her own spiritual walk.
I’ve already deleted the message I got this morning. It really made much more sense than these ramblings I tried to write here, but I hope at least one more person gets the message I’m trying to send. If you think I’m a religious nut or if I may offend anyone I would simply say: ‘take a ticket and get on to the back of the line’. You’ve got to trust someone and I’ll take the one I choose everyday.
‘In God I Trust’
One that came today I quickly closed deciding it posed no real threat to my future well-being and would not cause any bad consequences if I simply deleted it right then and there. As the day went on I kept thinking about the ideas that e-mail contained and its message made more and more sense to me the longer I thought about it. The jest of the message was that if the anti Christians wanted to insist in taking “In God we Trust” off anything related to the government, then the rest of us should simply start using the phrase on any and everything we do. The more I thought about this idea the more sense it seemed to make.
I have never agreed with the Roy Moore thinking that it was the government’s place to spread my religious beliefs to our fellow citizens. I think that is akin to expecting the government to raise our children, care for our old folks and to enforce a system of morality and religion we want to believe in but don’t want the responsibility of perpetuating. That is not the government’s job and Christ taught us that while he was still here.
The idea in the e-mail today was for Christians around the world to tag ourselves as believers by using the ‘In God we Trust’ thought in everything we do. To include the phrase in our signature lines on all our correspondence, on our business cards, in our literature and in all the ways we communicate with others. The more I thought about the impact of this simple effort the more I liked it. Every person that has contact with a person following this discipline would be witnessed to, hopefully many times every day. In doing this a person is not saying that he or she is better than anyone else, more saintly or better than the next guy. They are simply letting everyone he or she knows and deals with daily that they have a God in whom they trust. How many more times would God’s name of be brought to the attention of countless millions of people a day if we all started including this simple statement in some way on everything we did.
The phrase is not offensive. It promotes no church or denomination, it is adaptable and relevant to all religions in the world today, it simply identifies one as a person who trust God. To those who have no use or need for a God it means no more than a person saying ‘I’m a man’ or ‘I’m an American’. To those who do believe or are searching it can be an affirmation of their own belief or an encouragement in that there are others who do believe and are not afraid to proclaim that belief. This movement has the potential to witness to countless people every day and bring them together as believers.
It is past the time for us to depend on government to perpetuate the spirit of our faith. I would have no problem offending anyone this simple statement would offend. If I’m living my faith as I think I should I might even cause someone to become a little bolder in his or her own spiritual walk.
I’ve already deleted the message I got this morning. It really made much more sense than these ramblings I tried to write here, but I hope at least one more person gets the message I’m trying to send. If you think I’m a religious nut or if I may offend anyone I would simply say: ‘take a ticket and get on to the back of the line’. You’ve got to trust someone and I’ll take the one I choose everyday.
‘In God I Trust’
Monday, May 12, 2008
CAREER KNOCKOUT
It happened about this time of year 46 years ago and I still get nightmares about one of the top three bad events in my life. I was a junior in high school and totally secure in my little world of Haleyville, Alabama, the greatest place to grow up in during the 60’s. During the winter I’d been named a captain of the next year’s football team, I was making pretty good grades and dating the drum majorette of the band. Spring sports were played for pure enjoyment and to give us kids an excuse from working during that time of year. The coaches that coached football in the fall and for a few weeks in the spring coached our baseball and track teams and got us to and from the other small towns in the area for games.
Since I was the biggest and by far the slowest kid on our baseball team I naturally got the call to catch. I was a decent catcher for our time and size of school but mostly I was the only one that would fit the chest protector that had been bought years before when the school had a real catcher. I stopped a high percentage of the balls thrown at me and on occasion, if the base runner was as slow a I was, I could get the ball to James Cecil Long who usually covered second for a put out. On offense I often hit the ball but was so slow I have been known to suffer a put out at first from a ball hit to left field. Fortunately for me we did not have anybody else that could wear the chest protector so I got to play on a regular basis.
Another big downer for baseball in our little hometown, and most of our area, was the lack of decent facilities to play on. In Haleyville we played in a field out near the Armory that I guess the American Legion had built many years before. The backstop was made of some old power poles (I’m sure Alabama Power found missing on some inventory) covered with chicken wire that had been salvaged from farms when the chicken industry moved from yards to chicken houses. The dugouts were only benches set fairly close to the first and third base lines due to the fact roadways separated by huge ditches ran immediately behind them. Not much chance to make a play on a foul ball since the player making the play was in danger of falling into a 4 to 8 foot ditch if he got outside the benches.
We did have from time to time some pretty good baseball players. Bob Masdon, a lifelong friend was probably the best I ever played with. When Bob was 15 he hitched a ride with some older kids to Winfield where the Cincinnati Reds were holding tryouts. Bob lied about his age when he registered that morning and he did so well in the tryout that the guys running them offered him a contract. He had to confess his true age and go home empty handed. The victim of my misadventures was a pitcher named Talmadge Goodwin. Talmadge was a pitcher unequaled during our time as high school baseball wannabes. Talmadge was the real thing, the first guy who could really throw a ball through a car wash and have it come out dry, that is if we had car washes during that time. He had every pitch and heat to burn, but unfortunately I was his catcher and he never made it past playing for the Pete Miller All-Stars, on Sunday afternoon in Winston and Walker County against the likes of Nauvoo and Carbon Hill, all because of me.
To showcase Talmadge and Bob and some other fairly good players our coach scheduled a game in Florence against Coffee High School that fateful day in the spring of 1962. The entire team crammed into three old army surplus cars the booster club had bought for the athletic department and headed for Florence and our shot at the big time. As we unloaded we could just a well been at Wrigley Field or Yankee Stadium. As I remember that field today it was beautiful. A field with grass on the infield and outfield, smooth, rock less red clay base paths and hitters boxes, on deck circles on both sides of the plate and most important a fence completely surrounding the park with yardage signs down both power alleys and in straightaway center. It could not have been more beautiful. In contrast most of us didn’t even have matching pants and jerseys and wore three different caps.
Uniformed umpires met at home plate with both coaches and after the normal warm-ups the game began. I don’t remember exactly, but I do know that we had a base runner or two in the first inning but failed to score any runs. Scouts from several colleges and a few professional scouts had come primarily to see this kid, Talmadge Goodwin from Haleyville throw and check out all the rumors making the rounds in those days. I was catching this star and was in total awe of the whole thing, maybe too much in awe. Talmadge warmed up from the mound to start the bottom half of the first inning. He had his best stuff on this big day. His fastball was literally knocking the mitt off my hand and all the breaking stuff was moving like a roller coaster car on a fast track. Every scout had his eye on this phenom and Haleyville was about to make its mark on the baseball world, except for one small problem. Talmadge signaled me that his warm up was complete and to ‘throw-it-down’, the last ritual before bringing the batter to the plate. As Talmadge threw the last pitch a hopping curve ball, he turned his back to the plate and bent over to pickup a rosin bag lying next to the pitching rubber. I caught the ball and with my best move jumped from my squat and fired the ball to James Cecil at second. I fired just as Talmadge raised up facing center field from his bent over position.
I never saw the ball come down. I did see it hit Talmadge in the back of his head and I saw it careen skyward, I promise I never saw it come down. Our hero was fallen, not in combat but from my friendly fire. They hauled him off on a stretcher and we picked up him at the hospital in the army surplus car on the way home. Talmadge signed a football scholarship later that spring to Alabama but never played a down. I have always wondered what would have happened if I had now knocked him out of not only his but our whole teams biggest game.
Talmadge is dead now (not from my throw) and he never held my throw against me, but I will never forget it. That throw would have been perfect if he had just stayed down and left it alone.
Since I was the biggest and by far the slowest kid on our baseball team I naturally got the call to catch. I was a decent catcher for our time and size of school but mostly I was the only one that would fit the chest protector that had been bought years before when the school had a real catcher. I stopped a high percentage of the balls thrown at me and on occasion, if the base runner was as slow a I was, I could get the ball to James Cecil Long who usually covered second for a put out. On offense I often hit the ball but was so slow I have been known to suffer a put out at first from a ball hit to left field. Fortunately for me we did not have anybody else that could wear the chest protector so I got to play on a regular basis.
Another big downer for baseball in our little hometown, and most of our area, was the lack of decent facilities to play on. In Haleyville we played in a field out near the Armory that I guess the American Legion had built many years before. The backstop was made of some old power poles (I’m sure Alabama Power found missing on some inventory) covered with chicken wire that had been salvaged from farms when the chicken industry moved from yards to chicken houses. The dugouts were only benches set fairly close to the first and third base lines due to the fact roadways separated by huge ditches ran immediately behind them. Not much chance to make a play on a foul ball since the player making the play was in danger of falling into a 4 to 8 foot ditch if he got outside the benches.
We did have from time to time some pretty good baseball players. Bob Masdon, a lifelong friend was probably the best I ever played with. When Bob was 15 he hitched a ride with some older kids to Winfield where the Cincinnati Reds were holding tryouts. Bob lied about his age when he registered that morning and he did so well in the tryout that the guys running them offered him a contract. He had to confess his true age and go home empty handed. The victim of my misadventures was a pitcher named Talmadge Goodwin. Talmadge was a pitcher unequaled during our time as high school baseball wannabes. Talmadge was the real thing, the first guy who could really throw a ball through a car wash and have it come out dry, that is if we had car washes during that time. He had every pitch and heat to burn, but unfortunately I was his catcher and he never made it past playing for the Pete Miller All-Stars, on Sunday afternoon in Winston and Walker County against the likes of Nauvoo and Carbon Hill, all because of me.
To showcase Talmadge and Bob and some other fairly good players our coach scheduled a game in Florence against Coffee High School that fateful day in the spring of 1962. The entire team crammed into three old army surplus cars the booster club had bought for the athletic department and headed for Florence and our shot at the big time. As we unloaded we could just a well been at Wrigley Field or Yankee Stadium. As I remember that field today it was beautiful. A field with grass on the infield and outfield, smooth, rock less red clay base paths and hitters boxes, on deck circles on both sides of the plate and most important a fence completely surrounding the park with yardage signs down both power alleys and in straightaway center. It could not have been more beautiful. In contrast most of us didn’t even have matching pants and jerseys and wore three different caps.
Uniformed umpires met at home plate with both coaches and after the normal warm-ups the game began. I don’t remember exactly, but I do know that we had a base runner or two in the first inning but failed to score any runs. Scouts from several colleges and a few professional scouts had come primarily to see this kid, Talmadge Goodwin from Haleyville throw and check out all the rumors making the rounds in those days. I was catching this star and was in total awe of the whole thing, maybe too much in awe. Talmadge warmed up from the mound to start the bottom half of the first inning. He had his best stuff on this big day. His fastball was literally knocking the mitt off my hand and all the breaking stuff was moving like a roller coaster car on a fast track. Every scout had his eye on this phenom and Haleyville was about to make its mark on the baseball world, except for one small problem. Talmadge signaled me that his warm up was complete and to ‘throw-it-down’, the last ritual before bringing the batter to the plate. As Talmadge threw the last pitch a hopping curve ball, he turned his back to the plate and bent over to pickup a rosin bag lying next to the pitching rubber. I caught the ball and with my best move jumped from my squat and fired the ball to James Cecil at second. I fired just as Talmadge raised up facing center field from his bent over position.
I never saw the ball come down. I did see it hit Talmadge in the back of his head and I saw it careen skyward, I promise I never saw it come down. Our hero was fallen, not in combat but from my friendly fire. They hauled him off on a stretcher and we picked up him at the hospital in the army surplus car on the way home. Talmadge signed a football scholarship later that spring to Alabama but never played a down. I have always wondered what would have happened if I had now knocked him out of not only his but our whole teams biggest game.
Talmadge is dead now (not from my throw) and he never held my throw against me, but I will never forget it. That throw would have been perfect if he had just stayed down and left it alone.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
'DYSON' vs 'SHOP-VAC'
“When ‘mama’ ain’t happy nobody is happy.” Whoever first spoke these words is a genius or at least he was married to a woman wired like my wife. For months all I’ve heard is about how we need a ‘Dyson’ cyclone suck all vacuum cleaner. This is the kind where the guy in the commercial, that talks like he’s from England or somewhere outside Alabama, explains how he invented this new vacuum cleaner that never loses suction. I really don’t know why Patsy needs a vacuum since she rarely ever uses one in the first place but for whatever the reason that ad caught her attention. Knowing how badly she wanted this new vacuum cleaner I decided that I would surprise her on her birthday with just what she talked so much about.
Like most men of the twenty-first century I went on line to shop for this special birthday surprise. I went first to the ‘Dyson’ site and found the offerings from that well advertised purveyor of carpet sucking products. I was literally overcome with the selection offered by this company. On television the grey hair man only mentions and shows what he calls a ‘Dyson’ machine. On the web site there are hundreds of different models not to mention the additional hundreds of accessories. There is everything from a ‘Dyson DC07 All Floors’ to a ‘Dyson DC25 Ball’ with about thirty different ‘Dyson’s’ thrown in for good measure. Some of the machines even have descriptive words in their name like the ‘Dyson DC07 Animal’, or the ‘Dyson DC17Allergy & Asthma’. Now I would think a vacuum cleaner that was revolutionizing the world of sucking up stuff off the floor would have all these features in one simple machine. Does this great inventor think we are going to buy multiple machines for specific applications around the house? One machine for the animal hair and then another for stuff we’re allergic to and maybe a third for the living room where neither animals nor humans ever go. The web search became more complicated when ask to decide whether you wanted an upright, canister or handheld, all equipped with the same dirt, dust, dog hair and lint options. The biggest downer with ‘Dyson’ was the pricing. I’m one of those guys that bought my first car for $100 and cringe when I put a $70 into the gas tank of my truck. Maybe the pricing has something to do with getting American dollars back to whatever country Mr. Dyson is from or maybe there are just enough people out there that want yellow vacuum cleaners. For whatever the reason these things are begin at $399 and go all the way to $599, way too much for an old boy from Winston County.
Now here is where my problem with ‘mama’ really starts. Realizing that the ‘Dyson’ was not an option for me, I resorted to my fail-safe plan for most household purchases. I stopped by my local ACE HARDWARE store down near ALFONSO’S on 31S. The sign in the window seemed to have been placed just for me, SHOP-VAC on sale was the first thing I saw as I parked my truck. I walked in and was immediately greeted by my old friend Dave Pennington. After exchanging greetings I told Dave about my search and ask about the sign promoting the SHOP-VAC and ask if it was not a good alternative. Dave showed me to the area where the SHOP-VACs were displayed. The one on sale was not the cheapest by any means but it would do everything I thought Patsy wanted and came with all the accessories included. The 14-gallon wet/dry vac would do it all. It would not only pick up dirt and grit but also clean nails, nuts and bolts from any surface, plenty of sucking power. In addition the 11.5 amp, 5.5 HP motor would suck water from carpet or hard surface and could even be converted to a blower for what I assumed would replace the need to dust. I thought I had found the perfect birthday present for my wife. Dave agreed to throw in a 25’ garden hose to drain the tank in case we used the water sucking feature and a pack of Shop-Vac disposable catch bags, all for the sale price of $114.99. I did not even realize until later I would also get 1150 ‘ACE REWARD POINTS’ with my purchase. I thought I hit the jackpot. I took my boxed birthday present to ‘Office Depot’ and had it wrapped in brightly colored shipping paper topped with a bow from 'HOBBY LOBBY'. I had it sitting, with a beautiful birthday card attached, in the middle of the sofa Patsy sits on in the T.V. room when she walked in on the morning of her birthday.
Somewhere I failed to live up to her expectations. I have not eaten a hot meal or enjoyed one simple cuddle since she opened my present. Next year I think I will seek the advice of Claire and Jenny, my two daughter-in-laws before I pick out Patsy’s present.
If anything ever overflows at your house I do have a great 14-gallon SHOP-VAC if you need to borrow one.
Like most men of the twenty-first century I went on line to shop for this special birthday surprise. I went first to the ‘Dyson’ site and found the offerings from that well advertised purveyor of carpet sucking products. I was literally overcome with the selection offered by this company. On television the grey hair man only mentions and shows what he calls a ‘Dyson’ machine. On the web site there are hundreds of different models not to mention the additional hundreds of accessories. There is everything from a ‘Dyson DC07 All Floors’ to a ‘Dyson DC25 Ball’ with about thirty different ‘Dyson’s’ thrown in for good measure. Some of the machines even have descriptive words in their name like the ‘Dyson DC07 Animal’, or the ‘Dyson DC17Allergy & Asthma’. Now I would think a vacuum cleaner that was revolutionizing the world of sucking up stuff off the floor would have all these features in one simple machine. Does this great inventor think we are going to buy multiple machines for specific applications around the house? One machine for the animal hair and then another for stuff we’re allergic to and maybe a third for the living room where neither animals nor humans ever go. The web search became more complicated when ask to decide whether you wanted an upright, canister or handheld, all equipped with the same dirt, dust, dog hair and lint options. The biggest downer with ‘Dyson’ was the pricing. I’m one of those guys that bought my first car for $100 and cringe when I put a $70 into the gas tank of my truck. Maybe the pricing has something to do with getting American dollars back to whatever country Mr. Dyson is from or maybe there are just enough people out there that want yellow vacuum cleaners. For whatever the reason these things are begin at $399 and go all the way to $599, way too much for an old boy from Winston County.
Now here is where my problem with ‘mama’ really starts. Realizing that the ‘Dyson’ was not an option for me, I resorted to my fail-safe plan for most household purchases. I stopped by my local ACE HARDWARE store down near ALFONSO’S on 31S. The sign in the window seemed to have been placed just for me, SHOP-VAC on sale was the first thing I saw as I parked my truck. I walked in and was immediately greeted by my old friend Dave Pennington. After exchanging greetings I told Dave about my search and ask about the sign promoting the SHOP-VAC and ask if it was not a good alternative. Dave showed me to the area where the SHOP-VACs were displayed. The one on sale was not the cheapest by any means but it would do everything I thought Patsy wanted and came with all the accessories included. The 14-gallon wet/dry vac would do it all. It would not only pick up dirt and grit but also clean nails, nuts and bolts from any surface, plenty of sucking power. In addition the 11.5 amp, 5.5 HP motor would suck water from carpet or hard surface and could even be converted to a blower for what I assumed would replace the need to dust. I thought I had found the perfect birthday present for my wife. Dave agreed to throw in a 25’ garden hose to drain the tank in case we used the water sucking feature and a pack of Shop-Vac disposable catch bags, all for the sale price of $114.99. I did not even realize until later I would also get 1150 ‘ACE REWARD POINTS’ with my purchase. I thought I hit the jackpot. I took my boxed birthday present to ‘Office Depot’ and had it wrapped in brightly colored shipping paper topped with a bow from 'HOBBY LOBBY'. I had it sitting, with a beautiful birthday card attached, in the middle of the sofa Patsy sits on in the T.V. room when she walked in on the morning of her birthday.
Somewhere I failed to live up to her expectations. I have not eaten a hot meal or enjoyed one simple cuddle since she opened my present. Next year I think I will seek the advice of Claire and Jenny, my two daughter-in-laws before I pick out Patsy’s present.
If anything ever overflows at your house I do have a great 14-gallon SHOP-VAC if you need to borrow one.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I try to spend some time each day doing a devotional that helps me in my spiritual walk. My church’s publishing house offers a small devotional guide called the ‘Upper Room’ that I have found to be an excellent guide for these quiet times that have become important to me. The daily plan gives you a passage of scripture, a short personal testimony from either clergy or private individuals and a closing prayer and thought by the particular author of the day. Today’s offering was especially moving and meaningful to me and I feel strongly about sharing my thoughts on what I have just read.
The devotional today reminds me of the answered prayer we never realize we are beneficiaries of each day. The testimonial tells of a mother's prayer for her son throughout his life that ask God to surround her son with people who will be strong Christian influences on her son as he goes through life. The son eventually goes away to college and is assigned a roommate who is going through a year of rehab from a drug addiction. The mother becomes distressed when she learns of the problems her son’s roommate has experienced before getting to college. Her first thoughts are of her prayers and the failure of God to answer her petitions. She changes her mind when her sons reminds her there is a good chance the roommate’s mother prayed the same prayer and that the son may be the answer to the other mother’s prayer. The devotional ends with a simple prayer that packs a ton of meaning.
“Lord, surround those we love with people who will help them to grow spiritually.”
The devotional got me to thinking about the people that have always and continue to bless my life in so many ways. From my very birth so many wonderful Christian people have been a tremendous blessing to me. To begin with my parents and entire family have loved and blessed me in so many ways that I could never describe it or even begin to tell what it has meant to me. The hometown I grew up in surrounded me with so many examples and roll models for a Christian life that to name any individual would exclude dozens more that I would be embarrassed to leave out. With my limited memory and sixty-two year old mind, any list of those that have had a strong and lasting positive influence on me is incomplete; so know that those mentioned are merely examples of hundreds who shall go unnamed.
In my world today I can think of so many, like my good friends Marilyn Sykes and Donna McAnnally. These two came into my life at a time when I first started my real search. Susan Estes keeps it real and shows me so often how really simple it is when we really get to the basics of Christ message. My buddies at my weekly Bible study, Wally Terry, Mike Free, Leo Bouchard and all the rest walk me through the scriptures every Tuesday, giving me the assurance and validation I need to know that this walk is not something I’m doing alone. My preachers, Terry Greer, Ian Butler and Ken Dunivant and so many more, both now and in the past, that recharge my batteries when they sometimes run so low. And then there are just so many friends that make my walk and search so easy. Jack Ozier, Larry Weaver, Donnie Lane, Dianne Barrett, Steve Blake and too many more to name, while never having to say a word show me by example, in so many ways, the type of life I aspire to live. My only sibling, Jimmy, whose life is such an example, is a true Christian brother.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if my mother prayed the same prayer this mother in today’s devotional prayed, for God to surround me with people that would support me spiritually and in my walk here on this earth, then that prayer has been answered many times over.
My only hesitation is publishing these thoughts is that there are so many who have been a blessing to me that I cannot name each one. I am thankful for each one and thank God each day for everyone who has meant so much. The people named are merely examples, good ones but only examples.
The devotional today reminds me of the answered prayer we never realize we are beneficiaries of each day. The testimonial tells of a mother's prayer for her son throughout his life that ask God to surround her son with people who will be strong Christian influences on her son as he goes through life. The son eventually goes away to college and is assigned a roommate who is going through a year of rehab from a drug addiction. The mother becomes distressed when she learns of the problems her son’s roommate has experienced before getting to college. Her first thoughts are of her prayers and the failure of God to answer her petitions. She changes her mind when her sons reminds her there is a good chance the roommate’s mother prayed the same prayer and that the son may be the answer to the other mother’s prayer. The devotional ends with a simple prayer that packs a ton of meaning.
“Lord, surround those we love with people who will help them to grow spiritually.”
The devotional got me to thinking about the people that have always and continue to bless my life in so many ways. From my very birth so many wonderful Christian people have been a tremendous blessing to me. To begin with my parents and entire family have loved and blessed me in so many ways that I could never describe it or even begin to tell what it has meant to me. The hometown I grew up in surrounded me with so many examples and roll models for a Christian life that to name any individual would exclude dozens more that I would be embarrassed to leave out. With my limited memory and sixty-two year old mind, any list of those that have had a strong and lasting positive influence on me is incomplete; so know that those mentioned are merely examples of hundreds who shall go unnamed.
In my world today I can think of so many, like my good friends Marilyn Sykes and Donna McAnnally. These two came into my life at a time when I first started my real search. Susan Estes keeps it real and shows me so often how really simple it is when we really get to the basics of Christ message. My buddies at my weekly Bible study, Wally Terry, Mike Free, Leo Bouchard and all the rest walk me through the scriptures every Tuesday, giving me the assurance and validation I need to know that this walk is not something I’m doing alone. My preachers, Terry Greer, Ian Butler and Ken Dunivant and so many more, both now and in the past, that recharge my batteries when they sometimes run so low. And then there are just so many friends that make my walk and search so easy. Jack Ozier, Larry Weaver, Donnie Lane, Dianne Barrett, Steve Blake and too many more to name, while never having to say a word show me by example, in so many ways, the type of life I aspire to live. My only sibling, Jimmy, whose life is such an example, is a true Christian brother.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if my mother prayed the same prayer this mother in today’s devotional prayed, for God to surround me with people that would support me spiritually and in my walk here on this earth, then that prayer has been answered many times over.
My only hesitation is publishing these thoughts is that there are so many who have been a blessing to me that I cannot name each one. I am thankful for each one and thank God each day for everyone who has meant so much. The people named are merely examples, good ones but only examples.
Monday, May 5, 2008
VIVA CINCO
Well we’ve made it to May 5th, Cinco De Mayo day, the birthday of a famous Mexican. I think Mrs. Taylor, one of my favorite teachers, told us Cinco was the guy that invented tacos (translation: 'tasteless trash') several hundred years ago and shared them with the Spaniards that first landed in Mexico. As I remember it was at a time when the Mexicans invited all the Spanish over to celebrate the exchange of Spanish whiskey for the loco weed the Mexicans had been enjoying for generations. Cinco, always the practical joker, bet another Mexican that he could get these yoyos from the big boats to eat tasteless corn tortillas stuffed with mashed up beans and cat meat. He covered his creation by putting diced tomatoes, onions and shredded lettuce on top with some chunky salsa covering the whole thing. Cinco won the bet and the Spanish liked it so much they opened little taco stands along all the trails in Mexico and sold this newly invented garbage to the armies of Ponce De Leon as they landed. If I’m not wrong these little stands were the fore runners of the now famous Taco Bells that cover the world. In this country Cinco De Mayo is the day when Americans everywhere have the excuse to eat Mexican food and drink Tequila based drinks on a weekday as opposed to waiting for a Friday, Saturday or Sunday night.
Doing things on the right days is important to Americans. With the exception of some Jews, a few Catholics and all the Seventh Day Adventist we have to worship on Sundays. Now I know the Bible says God worked for six days and rested on the seventh, thereby giving us direction for our day of worship, but the book also talks about Sunday being the first day of the week which would make Saturday the seventh. That didn’t work out for us since most of us did our shopping on Saturday, so we just took the count from the day that best suited us and made Sunday the day to worship and said that is what God told us to do. We are pretty good at that kind of thing and I don’t see any need to stop.
Somebody once told us that we should vote on a Tuesday, and we have pretty much stuck to that rule for as long as we’ve been around as a nation. I am going to assume that Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and Paul Revere had commissioned a study that found that Tuesday was far enough removed from the weekend to allow full recovery from any hangover and far enough away from Friday to keep us from being distracted. It has worked pretty well up until we elected George W. but I guess one slip-up in 233 years is not all that bad.
Up and until ESPN started televising college football on Thursday nights we were pretty well locked into only watching college football on Saturdays and then only in the fall of the year. We still don’t give much credit to either a win or a loss for any team that plays on any day except Saturday. The losing team did not have enough time to prepare or the winning team only played a patsy the Saturday before and the game is not really a true test for either.
Why don’t they run the Kentucky Derby or the Preakness on a Wednesday or play the Championship game of the Final Four on a Thursday? Is Augusta National closed on any day except Sunday for the final round of the Master’s? One time I’d like to see the Super Bowl played on a Tuesday afternoon or God worshiped on Wednesday morning at 6:30.
Because Cino’s birthday is on the 5th day of May it moves around without any trouble. We get to eat and drink Mexican on a different day of the week every year. We’re just too structured in this country for our own good. Maybe it was the Spanish whiskey or the Mexican loco weed that got it all started in laid-back Mexico.
I’m just glad we had our fore fathers to tell our country which day of the week certain things could be enjoyed. What if we just went around having fun on any day of the week? You would not even know the day Boston Legal was going to be on television.
Doing things on the right days is important to Americans. With the exception of some Jews, a few Catholics and all the Seventh Day Adventist we have to worship on Sundays. Now I know the Bible says God worked for six days and rested on the seventh, thereby giving us direction for our day of worship, but the book also talks about Sunday being the first day of the week which would make Saturday the seventh. That didn’t work out for us since most of us did our shopping on Saturday, so we just took the count from the day that best suited us and made Sunday the day to worship and said that is what God told us to do. We are pretty good at that kind of thing and I don’t see any need to stop.
Somebody once told us that we should vote on a Tuesday, and we have pretty much stuck to that rule for as long as we’ve been around as a nation. I am going to assume that Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and Paul Revere had commissioned a study that found that Tuesday was far enough removed from the weekend to allow full recovery from any hangover and far enough away from Friday to keep us from being distracted. It has worked pretty well up until we elected George W. but I guess one slip-up in 233 years is not all that bad.
Up and until ESPN started televising college football on Thursday nights we were pretty well locked into only watching college football on Saturdays and then only in the fall of the year. We still don’t give much credit to either a win or a loss for any team that plays on any day except Saturday. The losing team did not have enough time to prepare or the winning team only played a patsy the Saturday before and the game is not really a true test for either.
Why don’t they run the Kentucky Derby or the Preakness on a Wednesday or play the Championship game of the Final Four on a Thursday? Is Augusta National closed on any day except Sunday for the final round of the Master’s? One time I’d like to see the Super Bowl played on a Tuesday afternoon or God worshiped on Wednesday morning at 6:30.
Because Cino’s birthday is on the 5th day of May it moves around without any trouble. We get to eat and drink Mexican on a different day of the week every year. We’re just too structured in this country for our own good. Maybe it was the Spanish whiskey or the Mexican loco weed that got it all started in laid-back Mexico.
I’m just glad we had our fore fathers to tell our country which day of the week certain things could be enjoyed. What if we just went around having fun on any day of the week? You would not even know the day Boston Legal was going to be on television.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
SMART PEOPLE
I hate to be one of those guys who is always pointing out a problem but never offers any solutions. My last entry pointed out what we should not be looking for in a presidential candidate but did little to shed any light on what we need to be looking for this year. I know I said we had better get someone smarter than anybody I ever knew but failed to give any examples. After giving this some thought over the last two days I have a few suggestions for the type of person that should be considered.
The first example I thought of was the person who invented ‘spell-check’. Now this man or woman is smart, double barrel smart. Not only did they have a tremendous vocabulary, they know how to spell all the words correctly and even invented a process that identifies your mistake instantly and gives you options about what you are trying to say. When you think about what this invention saves just in onionskin copies and eraser rubber alone it is phenomenal. Millions and millions of trees have been saved and secretaries all over the world are spending more time at home and with their husbands and kids than can be imagined.
My next candidate would be the man or woman who invented the pull-top drink can opener that stays on the can and does not pull off to become either litter or a small weapon for self-mutilation. During the 60’s and 70’s when the first generation of pull tops were first introduced many strange and sometimes dangerous practices were adopted for disposing of the shiny little rings. A lot of our neighbors from north of Kentucky (Yankees) found themselves collecting these little baubles and stringing them together for home interior decorations. Strings of thousands were used to decorate family rooms, man caves and neighborhood bars. Now this practice certainly was a big help in keeping the Great Lakes litter free from the vast amounts of aluminum left around their shores by beer drinkers but really did nothing for the home décor of the area. Here in the South we also became pretty good at stringing the little aluminum flaps together but we used them mostly for body and automobile decorations and cheap jewelry. A lot of our women still carry the scars of being slightly lacerated around the neck and arms from necklaces and bracelets given them by their boyfriends after a day at the lake, fishing and supposedly drinking beer. We also used the little chains for decorating of our cars during that time. Nothing said ‘I’m a man’, like a string of beer can tabs artfully draped around our sun visors, rear view mirrors and back windows. Of course to our mothers they were from Coke cans but to those who mattered they were always from the vast amount of beer we could handle.
My last nomination must go to the inventor of the greatest invention in history. I think the feeling is almost unanimous that the person who invented the ‘Thermos’ bottle was the world’s greatest inventor and probably smart enough to lead this country for four years. I know it started with as a joke but who among us after hearing that old joke is not still thinking about the truth contained in the humor. You take an inanimate object like a ‘Thermos’ bottle and pour something hot into it early in the morning and it is still hot late in the afternoon. You take something cold and pour it into the same bottle early in the morning and then in the late afternoon it is still cold, and the question still baffles us as to how it knows just what we expect it to do. All of us snicker when we hear this old joke, but we really don’t know and we always leave pondering that last question,
“How do it know”.
Smart people come few and far between, we’d better find us one this year.
I hate to be one of those guys who is always pointing out a problem but never offers any solutions. My last entry pointed out what we should not be looking for in a presidential candidate but did little to shed any light on what we need to be looking for this year. I know I said we had better get someone smarter than anybody I ever knew but failed to give any examples. After giving this some thought over the last two days I have a few suggestions for the type of person that should be considered.
The first example I thought of was the person who invented ‘spell-check’. Now this man or woman is smart, double barrel smart. Not only did they have a tremendous vocabulary, they know how to spell all the words correctly and even invented a process that identifies your mistake instantly and gives you options about what you are trying to say. When you think about what this invention saves just in onionskin copies and eraser rubber alone it is phenomenal. Millions and millions of trees have been saved and secretaries all over the world are spending more time at home and with their husbands and kids than can be imagined.
My next candidate would be the man or woman who invented the pull-top drink can opener that stays on the can and does not pull off to become either litter or a small weapon for self-mutilation. During the 60’s and 70’s when the first generation of pull tops were first introduced many strange and sometimes dangerous practices were adopted for disposing of the shiny little rings. A lot of our neighbors from north of Kentucky (Yankees) found themselves collecting these little baubles and stringing them together for home interior decorations. Strings of thousands were used to decorate family rooms, man caves and neighborhood bars. Now this practice certainly was a big help in keeping the Great Lakes litter free from the vast amounts of aluminum left around their shores by beer drinkers but really did nothing for the home décor of the area. Here in the South we also became pretty good at stringing the little aluminum flaps together but we used them mostly for body and automobile decorations and cheap jewelry. A lot of our women still carry the scars of being slightly lacerated around the neck and arms from necklaces and bracelets given them by their boyfriends after a day at the lake, fishing and supposedly drinking beer. We also used the little chains for decorating of our cars during that time. Nothing said ‘I’m a man’, like a string of beer can tabs artfully draped around our sun visors, rear view mirrors and back windows. Of course to our mothers they were from Coke cans but to those who mattered they were always from the vast amount of beer we could handle.
My last nomination must go to the inventor of the greatest invention in history. I think the feeling is almost unanimous that the person who invented the ‘Thermos’ bottle was the world’s greatest inventor and probably smart enough to lead this country for four years. I know it started with as a joke but who among us after hearing that old joke is not still thinking about the truth contained in the humor. You take an inanimate object like a ‘Thermos’ bottle and pour something hot into it early in the morning and it is still hot late in the afternoon. You take something cold and pour it into the same bottle early in the morning and then in the late afternoon it is still cold, and the question still baffles us as to how it knows just what we expect it to do. All of us snicker when we hear this old joke, but we really don’t know and we always leave pondering that last question,
“How do it know”.
Smart people come few and far between, we’d better find us one this year.
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